As I sat eating my cereal this morning, I felt so very overwhelmed by all your kindness, encouraging words, offered help with Bella, meals, etc. that many of you have poured out my way. I can often wish I lived closer to family, but this morning I realized that I am surrounded by many thoughtful, dear friends (via the net and live!), that in a way, I am surrounded by family. And for that, I'm extremely grateful.
I had someone relay something of this sort to me recently: "You barely took any help with Bella. And so we're hoping you'll be more willing to accept help with Summer!" I didn't quite know how to respond. This coming from a person who lives in the same town as parents, in-laws, grandparents, etc. I felt my defenses rise, yet I tried to be a good listener. Bella was difficult to accept help with, considering her unique disability. Also, she was my first and I wasn't as ready to hand her over to someone else to take care of.
Such is the case this time with Summer. I've had numerous kind-hearted friends offer to take Bella for the day, so I can rest or have alone time with Summer. But, all of me doesn't necessarily want those things. I want Bella around - difficult as she may be. I want to be her mother still, even in the midst of a new child. I want to teach her, instruct her, love her, cuddle her, feed her, be her mother. As much as I complain about life being hard right now, I want BOTH my children with me... I want this to become normal.
I'm not saying I never want a break - because I do. Breaks are good. Especially for cooling a hot-head. But, I just hope I'm not coming across as "not accepting help". Or maybe that's exactly what I'm doing. Either way... I knew these first few months would be challenging. And they have proven exactly that so far. I want to face the challenge, head on. With both my girls. And be able to look back and say, "That was tough! But, we did it."
Like everyone's been telling me, "They're only young once."
3 comments:
I have trouble accepting "help" too. When I'm venting about feeling overwhelmed, and someone simply takes the time to listen to me, that's often all the "help" that I need! Then I can take a deep breath and dive back into my life. :) So, I totally get you. Well, I don't get the whole two kids craziness, but you know what I mean ....
I think it's tough. People want to help by taking the baby, but I'm the type of mama who wants to keep my babies (especially newborns!) close, and I need help with all the other stuff -- cooking, cleaning, laundry. It is easier for people to want to help by holding a sweet, precious new babe, but I think that should be mama's job and people who want to help should help with *everything else* so that mama can focus her attention on the new little one and recovery from childbirth, getting nursing established, etc.
i understand completely...i also felt a little jealous of the time other people got to spend with my firstborn alone when i was "stuck" with the baby. it bothered me because i missed my eldest daughter and i finally had the energy of not being pregnant and i wanted to play, cuddle, and care for her. but please, do know that we're here if you do want help! :-)
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