moving, marriage and maternal updates

This moving gig has kicked my hiney (sp?).  I believe it's been a lot harder in most every aspect than I imagined.  It brings out the worst in me: my lack of patience; my introverted, I-don't-want-to-meet-any-new-people self; my critical, unthankful heart.  Yes, I've seen the worst this past week and I'm not pretty.  So, I've kinda been hiding out.  I'm too darn exhausted every night to get on a computer.  I'm usually trying to pep-talk myself into a good attitude.  Or Trav and I are needing to work things out after the children fall asleep.

Travis and I hadn't been together for the 6 weeks leading up to the move.  Preceding our separation (due to AF), he was working his bum off trying to out process and get things in line for our move.  It was Christmas and the holidays and ... you get the picture, we hadn't seen much of each other in the past few months.  Then, throw us in a car for 4 days, moving our life to a different state, catching the flu, living in a hotel for 5 days, moving in a house that was dirtier than appeared at first glance, a main water line backing up - causing overflowing toilets, non-draining tubs, and flooding carpets - and pregnant, hormonal me.... and you've got drama to the MAX!  Through many, MANY days of tears, harbored emotions, talking, talking, TALKING through things, prayer, and more PRAYER... I finally feel like we're back on the same track.  Of course, he goes back to work today, so we begin a new normal.  But, what I'm getting at is... marriage is a lot of work.  Good, hard work.  Not meaningless work, but productive work.  Sometimes, I wish there could be a lazy day.  A time when work wasn't necessary.  But, for us, if we want to stay close and together, we have to work hard at communicating, giving selflessly, and working for the good of the family.  Marriage is sanctifying, for sure!  And when it works, it's beautiful.

The children are all doing well.  The girls love the new home.  They've been awesome troopers, being toted all over town finding new spots and DMV's and doctors, etc.  I'm very, very proud of their resiliency.  The baby in the womb is a-growin' too.  I'm almost 30 weeks and getting to that really uncomfortable point.  EVERYONE tells me I'm having a boy, because I'm sticking straight out, but I think I stuck straight out with the girls too.  I think I'm having a girl... we'll see in approximately 10 weeks!  Names are non-existent for us.  I've gained about 30 lbs.  Right on track to keeping the same with my girls (gained 40 lbs with each girl).  My exercising program has been NIL this round.  Simply no time for that kind of luxury!!  I found a new OB in the area and he has me scheduled for an ultrasound on the 19th.  I'm scared I'll cave and find out the sex!!  Convince me to stay strong til the end, folks!

Well, enough blither-blather.  I'll be trying to be on here more.  Know that the house is still a wreck in most rooms, I shower approximately every two to three days, I just YESTERDAY went grocery shopping for the first time, and bedtime is the sweetest hour of the day.  One day life will feel back to normal, right???

Miss Erika

Our long-time babysitter-turned-good friend got hitched yesterday.  She is one of the sweetest, most genuine souls I know.  Our whole family adores her.  Bella was asked to be her flower girl.  The wedding was a beautifully accurate portrayal of love and purity.  *sigh*  I love weddings.  Every time I go to one, it makes me want to get married all over again.

I brought my camera.  But, obviously, as we can tell, I am still having trouble shooting indoors.  I'm not sure what settings to put it on and what the shutter speed/ISO/aperture should all be set at.  I need to take some classes.

Irregardless of my nasty, indoor camera skills, we enjoyed ourselves immensely.  We reserved a babysitter for Summer (since the wedding was right in the afternoon... i.e. NAP TIME) and were a little more free to be guests, instead of parents.  Trav concluded that we should attend a wedding at least once a year.  They are such great reminders of why we married in the first place, and what we have vowed to one another.  I concur.

I hope your weekend was special and beautiful as well!  Enjoy the rest of the Lord's Day.

a twin anecdote

My husband and I have been enjoying our 10 days of reintegration, no work, time together as a family.  With this 10 days of no work comes the liberty to grow... FACIAL HAIR!  I'm a fan of manly scruff, and he knows it.  But when he came out of the bathroom yesterday with his manly scruff shaped into these nasty chops, I poo-pooed him.  Thumbs down.  All to no avail.  He loves his "creation" and has sported it two days now.  He also texted a picture to Tommy, his twin brother, showing off his facial hair.

Not too long after, Tommy texted this picture to Trav:

saying, "No way!!  I just shaved my beard to be like this this morning!  Before I even got your text.  We must definitely be twins."

Ya.  Ya think?  Crazy boys...

+ + + + + + + + + +

In other news, I've been trying to just be with my family this last week.  Often, I feel so amateur when it comes to being a Godly wife.  I have so far to grow.  So much to improve upon.  This week, I feel overcome with gratefulness that God (and my husband) is never-failing with patience towards me.  

It's been hot.  As in 110* F every day.  96* F by 10 a.m.  So, like I've been saying all summer long, there's been lots of pool time.  Lots of water playing.  Lots of hanging out in our cool home while wrecking any sort of organized cleanliness I aim for.  Oh well.

And the children grow older every day.  I find them every morning, Bella crawled into Summer's crib, reading books side by side.  Summer loves to be held and often, when I can't hold her, Bella offers and Summer seizes the chance to be loved physically.  They are dear girls and I'm very thankful for them.

And that's all for now, folks.  Off to enjoy my last "free" 24-hours with my family!

checking in

Travis is home.  And of course, we've all been enjoying him.  In fact, this is what most of his day looks like:

the children are quite attached to him.  They both ask to be held all day long, and his lap is the first to be picked during story time.  They are quite content to drink him in and rest on his strong shoulders.  It's good for me to see them love him so.  A good Daddy is such a necessity for little girls.

While homecomings are special, reintegration is not always easy.  But, we're continuing to try and love, try and practice patience, try and practice turning to God in prayer for aid before we succumb to frustration.  God is faithful.

We were able to steal away for 24-hours, thanks in part to a dear friend watching our little lasses, last night.  Again, it takes me awhile to warm up and be comfortable conversing deeply and just connecting, but we were able to take things slow and enjoy our quiet time.  More than anything, we desire to kindle a deep friendship in one another, which is harder to do than one might think! because of the amount of time Travis is away.  In order to even get in the mindset of each other being each other's friend, we called one another "Friend" for much of our 24-hours away.  It was somewhat funny, but did change the way I saw him/treated him.  A silly experiment, but fruitful.

(I had to sneak in some Anne reading while he was getting ready for the day!
I'm devouring the 4th book of the series, Anne's House of Dreams.)

While it was good to get away, 'twas sweet to return to our offspring.  Of course, the girls ran right past me into Trav's arms and yelled his name for the next 20 minutes, but again, after 3 months of single-parenting it, I didn't mind one bit.  :-)  We splashed around in the pool (enjoying our 110* F heatwave!!) outside and then relished some summertime corn-on-the cob.

We get four more days of Travis at home before real life/work sets in.  We're bound to enjoy the time!  Thanks for checking in!

Happy sixth

Our sixth anniversary today.  Our third consecutive year celebrating apart.  One of these days we're going to be together for an anniversary and it's going to be a big sha-BANG.  We promise ourselves.

In honor of our sixth year of matrimony, I'm listing six of the many reasons I married Travis James (in no particular order).  Here goes:

#6: He loves/d short hair on me, and women in general. What a catch!

#5: He is the most generous person I have ever met.

#4: He was/is so VERY wonderful to kiss.

#3: He loves me with all his heart and is quite romantical.

#2: He is wonderful with children and I knew he'd make a superb father.  I was right.

#1: He had/s quite a knack of making life light and fun and special.  Life with him is full.

Happy anniversary, Love.

a momentary marriage

"The beauty of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and His church shines brightest when nothing but Christ can sustain it."

- John Piper, This Momentary Marriage

I was gently reminded this morning that because my marriage is difficult (whether by circumstances or personalities or stubbornness on my part), therein lies the beauty of it all.  The most beautiful marriage is the very one that would fail without Christ, and yet, with Christ succeeds and flourishes.

implications

My break was needed.  I was able to step away from the busyness of the internet and take a good long look at it.  I found that:
- I don't really like facebook.  Useless status updates and lots of blither-blabber.  BUT... also lots of pictures of friends' newborn babes, interesting life-changing announcements, and a way to plan events.
- My children need me off the computer more than on.
- The internet is incredibly helpful at giving me delicious recipes and yummy dinner ideas.  Irreplaceable.
- I love blogging.  But I want it to be worthwhile.  I want to use it to point people to the main Reason I live, even if it's in the undertones of my voice.  But I don't want to be fake.  And for that reason, I must be living for the Reason I live in order to write honestly about Him.

My husband and I also had a lot of re-configuring to do.  With the amount of his absence, it's easy to feel distant and apart.  And for the past six years of marriage, I was under the illusion that maybe, someday, things would fall into place.  He'd see my loneliness and carve out time.  I'd see his need for affection and love, and suddenly become more willing to give.  One day, his job would slack and he'd have more time at home.  Right??  RIGHT??

Well, we finally sat down and decided to be INTENTIONAL.  Awkward as it might be, we need to schedule time with each other.  Many embarrassed giggles were exchanged as we planned for a weekly talk that we'll have, and exactly how we'll go about conversing.  We need to plan {write-in-our-planners} for "alone time" throughout the week.  We need to teach each other to communicate and how we feel loved.  It feels EXTREMELY elementary and rather queer {in the original sense of the word}, but without intentionality, change just won't happen.  Planning time to talk and love doesn't exact make the books for the most ROMANTIC way of relating, but it's a beginning and a learning process, right??

Anyone else ever try this approach to marriage-strengthening?  Tell us your tricks and tried-and-true solutions.  Marriage is a life-long learning process, I believe.  One that will drive you to your knees, if we're humble.  And I want humility.

On a simpler note, Summer takes the cake for being my mess-loving child.  And dirt-eating child.  And Daddy-preferring child.  And waking-at-ungodly-hours child.  And sweetest-melt-my-heart child.

There's been lots of reading, sewing, and crafting 'round these parts.

Lots of cooking, cleaning, and children, too.

I'll be back with more later.

elementary musings on married life

The longer I'm married, the more I realize one thing.

I can't change my husband.

I know.  It's the advice one gets over and over before one commits to holy matrimony.  "Don't try to change him/her.... it won't work."  I have a rather thick skull, so it seems.

I've been coming to see that I don't have much sway over what he likes or dislikes.  Or how he does his homework.  Or what he eats.  Or if he picks up after himself or not.  Or if he would rather talk or watch baseball.  I'm not a very motivating person.

What's funny, is, that all this time, I thought I was.  I tried to motivate him the way I would be motivated.  Challenges, inspirational words, deadlines, rewards.  To no avail.

The past weeks have been good for us to live in close quarters with much "free" time.  I am meeting a new Travis, or so it feels.  I've been trying to keep my mouth shut more and really peer into his life to see what he's experiencing.  As natural as birthing a babe, so it is with pushing my words/opinions on my husband.  To stop myself leaves me feeling like I will burst.  But, what I've been noticing is rather elementary, if you ask me.

Travis is his own person.  One that God created uniquely.  A man that God created FOR me, but with aspects and traits so mind-boggling different than mine.  We look at life through different lenses.  We have different interests.  We are motivated differently.  We parent differently.  We are DIFFERENT.  Very different.  While this can bother me and spin my mind round and round as to how we ended up together exactly??, Travis isn't phased (see?  Different!).

So, I can't change him.  I don't really want to change him, if I really think about it.  I want to change me, to love and accept him for who he is.  That takes kindness.  That takes an open mind.  That takes letting go of what I thought might be.

In this little hotel room, smack dab in the middle of Alabama, I've been seeing that kindness works.  Letting go of little hurts has positive effects.  Keeping my mouth shut 90% of the time, and opening my mind to possibilities other than my own way, really can inspire.  In fact, kindness is the best kind of motivation there is, wouldn't you say?

five

Five years married to this man.  And he is sweeter to me now than then.  I love how time does that.

Being at my parents' home has prompted me to share many of my childhood memories with Bella, as we walk  the same streets I roamed, play at the same parks I played at, sleep in the same room I dreamt in.  My story usually goes something like this:

When I was a little girl, I lived here!  And I played at this park and swung on this rope swing with my sisters, your Auntie Kate and Auntie Betsy.  And when I grew all up, I went away to school and while I was in school, I met your Daddy.  [This is where Bella's eyes get bright and excited.]  And wonder of wonders, your Daddy loved me!  And I loved your Daddy.  And we got married on a beautiful June day.  A short while later, we learned we were going to have a baby... we were so happy.  [And this is where Bella shouts, "Who is it??  Who's the baby??"]  After my tummy got huge and big, we went to the hospital and I pushed out a beautiful baby girl.  And Daddy looked at me with tears in his eyes and he said, "Jen, she's BEAUTIFUL."  So, we named our baby Bella, because Bella means beautiful.  [And this is where Bella interjects and says, "Yes!  You went to the hostible and pushed out ME!  And I was a baby!"]  And then another short while later, we learned we were going to have ANOTHER baby.  And after my tummy got big and huge again, we went to the hospital and I pushed out another sweet baby girl, and we named her... ["Summer Noelle!  My sister!"]  Yes, we named her Summer Noelle.  ["And when I growed up, I'm going to marry Daddy and go to the hostible too!  When I growed up..."]

(Why I love this picture)

I do hope my girls grow up to marry someone just like Daddy.  After five years with him, I realize I know so little of who he truly is - the depths and uniqueness of Travis.  But what I do know, and what I look forward to knowing more over the years, I know that I want my girls to be able to tell these same sweet stories to their little girls, as they walk with their strollers and babes.  That wonder of wonders, he loves me.

Happy five years, Hon.

true love

I usually don't watch tv.  I wasn't raised with tv and Travis and I decided before we were married that we would choose to not have cable tv.  The basis of our decision was two-fold: (a) a tempting waste of time that we both would like to spend elsewhere, and (b) we didn't want to usher in the junk that is incessantly shoved at us via commercials and unwanted sitcoms.  If possible, we'd love to have just a couple of channels that showed sports and maybe a few cooking shows, but as that's not possible, we stick with our small, boxy tv and the three local channels that it offers.

So, I usually don't watch tv.  As in, I never turn on the box.  But, the other night I flipped the remote around while bouncing Summer and saw that "The Pursuit of Happyness" was on.  Which I watched.  And subsequently, it led me to flip the switch the following night to see if we could catch another good movie.  The Oscars was playing, and for the first time in both our lives, Trav and I watched the Oscars, while playing a game on our living room floor.  We now have a list of movies that we'd like to see, considering we haven't been to a theater in approximately 27 years and we haven't rented a movie since October.

After watching around 4-5 hours of television this past weekend, I was again reminded of why I find most television so saddening: the relationships.  Most relationships on tv are sexual.  Well, sex is gushing out of every crevice of The Box, and sooner than you like to think, your mind grows numb and your senses dull to the fact.  The husband/wife relationship is rarely upheld and never reverenced.  It's no wonder that with the introduction of tv in the home, the number of divorces and affairs has risen exponentially.

While I don't mean to slam the tv for every social problem our country experiences, I do think it's a relevant point.  And while we may just gloss over the numerous sexual innuendoes and learn to watch half naked women entice men without blushing, while we may laugh at the way women belittle their husbands and respect a woman/man who defends her/himself before her/his family, it's not the way things were meant to be.

I watched this video today via Justin Taylor's blog.  Here's his premise to the clip:

In 1990 Robertson McQuilkin resigned his post as president of Columbia Bible College and Graduate School, in order to care for his beloved wife Muriel, who stopped recognizing him in 1993 and went to be with the Lord in 2003 at the age of 81.


Someone had a tape recorder at his resignation speech, and you can watch a portion of it below. May God make us men like this:




This is the way it was meant to be.  For a man and woman to so cleave to one another, whole-heartedly and devotedly.  And yet, I cry while listening to this.  Because I want to be like Mr. McQuilken, selfless and sacrificial, all the while viewing it as a pleasure to serve my husband.  I know it doesn't begin, though, when Trav and I are 87 years old and frail.  That selfless and sacrificial serving begins now... and I need some major work.  Let this be a reminder that the way the world shows us to treat our families/spouses isn't true.  This is true.  And this is true love.

day five

DAY 5: A PHOTO OF YOU

This is one of the few photos from our honeymoon that we still have.  Shortly after we returned from our honeymoon, we moved.  Then, three weeks later, we moved again.  And thereafter, our computer crashed/burned/died, taking with it all our never-backed-up-files, including honeymoon pictures.  Sad.

I remember quite vividly taking this photo.  I was waiting for my husband to come out of the freezing ocean.  You see, honeymoon wasn't going so smoothly.  Lots of reasons why... but mainly, we just couldn't connect.  That, and I had never slept [or not slept] with a man who snored before.  That, and we were stuck on a remote, uninhabited island with rocky, shark-infested beaches; wind that whipped the sand in your face; and no place to eat except a pizza parlor.  Something I would die for now, of course.  But, back then, I just had a plain ol' bad attitude.  I had a lot to learn about marriage and life and loving others and... well, I still do.

And well, I chose this photo because it makes me laugh a little, remembering the Jenny of back then.  That, and I simply have very few single photos of just me.  Happy weekend!

four years

I love this picture of us, Trav.  In the mountains, both exhausted and gross-looking (well, me, at least) from parenting a crabby girl and traveling.  But, we're in it together.  I have your strong arms to hold me, you have my love and support in all you do.

We're learning what it means to be true friends: good friends, fun friends, deep friends.  To one another.  It takes a lot of work, and it might not come naturally all the time, but it's been worth it.  Has it really only been four years?  Golly gee, a mighty lot has happened in those four short years...

Thanks for letting me go this weekend.  Thanks for knowing that anniversary's aren't just one single day, but a recognition and celebration of our life together.  I can't wait to be with you when I get home.  Thanks for being a wonderful, trustworthy Daddy.  Thanks for loving me.

Yesterday, when you came home from work, while Bella and I waited for you outside... I looked at you getting out of the car, and I was struck with awe that YOU are my husband.  That I had the privilege of marrying you.  I looked at you and saw the Travis that I knew in high school and an immense gratefulness swept over me...

... we, who were just friends, merely acquaintances, would become husband and wife.  And bear children together.  What a profound mystery!

I love you.  Happy 4 years.

cultivating a healthy marriage

My dad sent me this link to Tim & Kathy Keller's "sermon" that they shared on marriage.

WOW.

How wonderfully encouraging, insightful, and real this married couple is. What they shared resonated so deeply within me I just had to share.

I don't know how you spend your evenings or free time, but I encourage you to turn off the tube, put down your novel, or give up one evening of crafty-time, and just listen. Be encouraged.

This is a Christian couple sharing their wisdom they've gleaned after 30+ years of marriage, and their doctrine will make the most sense to like-minded born again believers. But even if you are not saved, you may just find yourself finding hope for your marriage after listening.

Go here to listen.

romance

Most of you probably don't know our love story. And while I can't go into great detail here and now, I will tell you this much: It was love at first sight for him, and then he artfully and delicately caused me to fall for him through his words. Yep, ladies (& gents!)... he wrote me letters. You see, we dated long distance and since I still was an avid "no cell phone" gal, he would write and write and write me. I think I probably averaged 3 or 4 letters/week in my mail box. Once a week (on Thursday nights), he would call my dorm room and we could talk then, but other than that, for one year, he allowed me to fall in love with him through his words. It was a delightfully pleasant whirlwind to be caught in.

And while those days are long since past and we both have slacked somewhat on our intentional "pursuing" of each other since being married, he still surprises me every now and then with his romantic side and does something like this:

All day long, I have found tiny little notes left around the house. The first one was in the freezer, the second in Bella's lunchbox, the third in my wallet, and the fourth near the bathtub. (The bath one was for Bella and me, since it's her bathtub.) :-) Each one surprised me and I might have even teared up at them... maybe.

*sigh* I just love thoughtful gestures like this. See? This is why I married the guy...

Honesty and a critique of my blog

Honesty. Frankness. Transparency.

Good, right?

Sometimes, people can say you are too honest. Or honest, in an untimely manner.

I've experienced some helpful criticism with my writing. Helpful, yet hurtful. Hurtful, because I am a woman with pride. A woman who doesn't like to be wrong. A woman who prides herself in her work.

I always hesitate when I write honestly. I imagine who will be reading this. I imagine what they could conjure up while reading my words. I wonder if anyone may be encouraged, or if anyone may be brought down. I do try and use discretion, as much as public blogs can be discrete. Yet, honesty is so precious to me. So true and so hard to come by.

At times, I look at my blog and wonder, "What is the point?" It began as a way to keep in touch with family that are thousands of miles away. But over the many months, it has become a social outlet, a creative writing tool, a source of joy and connecting with random people. It has become primarily a Mommy-blog, although I swore I wouldn't succumb to that. I have periodically looked back at my pre-baby posts and wistfully wished for those days... those days when I wrote more about depth and life as I pondered it. But now... my days are filled with thoughts such as:
- meal planning
- is that poop I smell?
- how do you cure a diaper rash?
- is that a fit she's throwing?? how do I teach her that's unacceptable?
- I hope she sleeps long...
- how many times am I going to pick up these toys?
- this is the 26th time we've read this book today...
- gosh, I LOVE this child!

And in the midst of these various thoughts running through my head every day, I find myself longing to write about more meaningful things. Like life...like challenges...like politics...like religion...like marriage. And I want to write honestly. Frankly. Transparently. Because realness inspires me.

A happy life and a happy marriage, with picture-perfect children living in a precious, little town home isn't inspiring. It just makes everyone who reads about it feel like, "Why don't I have it together like that?? What's wrong with me and my life?" Reading about people with real struggles, real day-to-day monotony, really fighting to be something more in a world that says laziness and selfishness are okay... and how they deal with those issues in real-life form...... that is inspiring.

Dear readers, I love to be honest with you. Posts like this are not a cry for help. They are simply written to let you know that I'm right there along with you. I love my husband more than anything. I say that marriage is hard, but I don't blame it on anything he is. Marriage is hard because being SELFLESS is hard. Putting others' needs above mine is downright DIFFICULT. Loving someone more than I love myself will take me a lifetime to learn. I write because I take heart when I know I'm not alone.

open wide

Image above by Jim Jeffrey

I like food. Yet, I am very moody with it. Some may prefer the verbiage "picky," but I don't see myself that way. I will try anything once, and even if I like it I still may choose not to partake of it. I need to be in the right mood for food. Thus, I usually am classified as a snacker - which drives my husband nuts, because he doesn't think I eat enough... and he LOVES big meals. To recap, I like food. But I don't love it.

Water, on the other hand, is always satisfying, always nourishing. Refreshing, cold, smooth, quenching... water always tastes good, always fills a need. Thus, the reason I chose the above photo as a visual.

"I AM the Lord your God,

who brought you up out of the land

of Egypt.

Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it."

Psalm 81:10

I ran across this verse yesterday while studying the Bible and was struck (don't you love when that occurs??) with the command, the simplicity, the word picture, the relevance it has to ME today.

Life has not been easy this past year, especially these last 6 months. Emotionally draining, to say the least. I'm sure you've heard me say this before, but allow me to go deeper. Since our daughter's birth, my husband and I have had such a difficult time relating and connecting. Why? How? We're both not quite sure, but in the midst of all the hubbub, surgeries, deployments.... we somehow lost each other. Who is this man and why is he in my house?? Who is this woman and why does she treat me as an impostor?? Was I really madly & deeply in love at one point, and what does that look like today?? We've struggled and fought to keep our relationship close, and our God has been so good to remind us daily of His grace that we need. Yet, we still hurt. I've found myself constantly crying out to Him, "Why God? Where are you and why aren't you helping us??"

Then I came across this verse. "Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it." What came to mind immediately was feeding times with Bella. When I want her to try something new and I KNOW she'll love it, but she's uncertain, so barely cracks her lips. Or better yet, when I know she may not like the peas, but they're GOOD FOR HER and I must feed them to her.

I knew at once that I was found guilty. I had been fighting God as well, not trusting what He will put in my mouth if I chance it to "Open Wide!" I didn't want to surrender all, and chance that I may be hurt. I didn't want to let go and abandon my will, my stubborn heart, my right. How precious are the times when Bella just TRUSTS her Daddy and me to feed her good things. How much EASIER are those meals when she trusts and obeys and goes to bed satisfied and filled.

So, my husband and I talked last night. And while I wouldn't say that I tilted back my head and threw open my jaws, I opened wider than I have in awhile. And God is so good. He filled it with many good things.

Trust and obey

For there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus

But to trust and obey.

your life

I love this. It's difficult and somewhat painful ... it pricks my ego in places that don't feel too good - like my pride, my self-awareness, my motherhood, my womanhood.

I don't know if there's much I can say about this quote. My mind feels full when I read it, yet to try and explain all the little bursts of sentences and thoughts and emotions inside somehow just seems wrong. Maybe it isn't time yet to divulge. I probably don't have it all figured out yet, therefore I won't speak (that's how I operate).

This quote encapsulates what has been one big struggle for me since the birth of our daughter. Heck, since the first year of marriage. Who am I? Who am I now?? Who am I supposed to be? I feel like a completely different person than the gal I was in college. And it's been hard to reconcile within myself.

Life throws curve balls nearly every day. And how we choose to go about swinging at those said curve balls makes all the difference. I'm learning. I'm learning that to swing and miss isn't always a strike. And I've found sometimes, you may need to force yourself to swing even when it looks like it may be a ball.

Enough for now. More on this quote later. Does this saying touch you in any way?

three

Image by ChristanP Photography

A Poem for My Chosen Love

Sorrow, pain and trials very near:

Our arduous third year has cost us many tears.

Yet we chose - yes, God enabled

us- to persevere.

And, as we enter our fourth year,

The light can look so dim.

"What is lurking behind those shadows?"

Nay! We must only look to Him.

May Year Four be the cord

That binds us to our faithful Lord.

A threefold cord is broken naught,

yet prevails against the storm.

date night!!!

(A picture of us on our first date -- around March 2005)

Ahhhh... Trav took me on a date last night, our second since Bella's birth. Pretty pathetic, but tis true. With Bella's feeding being special and tailored for just her, it's difficult for us to feel comfortable letting other's feed her, thus making it impossible to get out at least until her last feeding is finished (around 7:30ish). By then, we're both pooped and ready to just slip into sweats and relax.

Anyways, we went to this great Latin-American food place, complete with romantic, exotic decorations, white table clothes, low candle lighting. We each got a glass of White Sangria wine - delicious and relaxing - and the food was to die for. Ohhh... to just sit and drink our wine slowly, savor our queso and corn appetizer, spend time relishing in our slow-roasted pork, chipotle cheddar mashed potatoes, pineapple and mango shrimp... it was truly a treat to be the two of us again. Afterwards, we mosied on over to a unique coffee shop. Played some cards, talked, shared a piece of Chocolate Raspberry Pie. Mmmmm....

The best part: I was able to dress-up sexy and pretty, be with my husband one-on-one, and not once did I ever feel like a mom. Gosh... all day long, thinking of another's needs, another's feeding schedules, getting spit up on, soothing cries, teaching lessons, carrying, holding, wiping noses.... all such huge blessings because they're for my daughter. But, to disconnect from that and just be with my husband and feel like I did just 4 short years ago... ahhh... now that's special.

Happy 2 years, Lovey!

To the one who makes me beam with joy...

My handsome, manly, soldier boy...
A gift: every day that we are together...

I do, I do, I DO forever!