treasure

The more time I spend with my children, I realize that what I treasure, they treasure.

We hear that all the time.  Our children do as we do.  They're watching.  But, really, the older they get, the harder it becomes to separate our lives from theirs.  I mean, when they're little, you put them down for two naps and an early bedtime.  During those times, you sneak chocolate, you watch movies, you sew, you talk on the phone, etc.  Then, they grow.  You can't spell in front of them anymore, you certainly can't sneak chocolate, and movies??  There's so little time to yourself, who wants to waste it on a movie??

I spend a lot of my free time on my computer.  Emailing, blogging, editing photos, etc.  And so, I notice my girls begging to play with the buttons on my computer.  Wanting to do things on my phone.  Watch a tv show.  I initially get bugged.  "No.  Go outside.  Use your imagination!  Read, paint, color!"

The Lord has been slowly revealing to me that what I treasure, they also will treasure.  If I'm outside, they'll be outside.  If I love reading, they'll love reading.  If I love my computer, they'll love their computers (one day).

Instead of directing Bella to paint alone today during quiet time, I sat with her.  I tried my hand at creativity and she loved it.  She watched me... and then mirrored me.  Kids are so complementary like that.  It only instills in me a greater desire to be great for them.  To point them to the One Thing that lasts and matters.

I love our family monograms.  

two recs

Two things I feel deserve recommendations:

(1) The Honest Company.  Have you heard of them?  I had, but hadn't given them much thought, until my sister introduced me to their diapers while we were in California.  While I'm not crazy into all the natural products and stuff, if given the chance to buy items with less "chemicals" and unknown ingredients in them, I will.  Here's why we're now using Honest diapers:

via www.honest.com

- The patterns/designs on the diapers are adorable.  To say that's what got me interested in the diapers is maybe shallow, but true.  Can't beat looking at cute diapers, especially when you're changing up to 8x per day.

- When you buy a package of diapers, the company gives diapers to those in need.  I like that concept.

- The Honest Company's website can explain this much better, but basically their diapers are a lot "cleaner" than ones you buy at the store.

- THEY DELIVER.  As a mother of three children now, things are different.  Mothering one and two children wasn't "easy", per se, but I still felt like I had down time.  Doing errands wasn't too much of a trouble, etc.  I would actually use "needing diapers" as an excuse to get out of the house and go to Target.  Now??  Different.  Having three makes me feel like a full-time mom.  Like, really, this is my real life.  There isn't down time.  Errands aren't really "fun", anymore.  I don't mean this to sound bad, it's just that three has bumped it all up a notch.  I love it.  It's full and I love my life.  But, if someone's going to offer to deliver diapers to me??  LOVE it.

- They bundle.  Meaning, I get 7 packs of diapers and 4 packs of wipes.  Per month.  Delivered.  BAM.  Mark that chore off my list.

Sooo... if you're diapering a child, make sure to check out this company.  Of course, the website can explain more, etc., but I figured I'd help a sister out and pass along the goods!  If you ARE going to order, do me a favor and order from this recommendation from me!  It gives me some dollars off my next order!

(The diapers, if you're interested, seem similar in feel/weight/texture to Target brand diapers.)

(2) Can a Mother Forget?  This sermon by Tim Keller was really poignant.  If you ever struggle with knowing that God loves you, but not feeling it, this sermon might encourage you.  I could go into a lot of detail sharing part of my story in this area, but right now, the babe is waking and the kids need me.

Just know that while I was cleaning my bathroom last night, I played this sermon and was moved by the beauty that is God's love for us.  It's around 35 minutes and completely worth every minute.

emotional, pregnant woman thoughts

Are we ready for Baby #3?  It's a question we get asked often, and we ask ourselves often.  Yes and no.  Actually, this past Friday, at my 38-week checkup, I, all of a sudden, realized, "This is my 38th week.  In two weeks - TWO weeks - we will have another child."  And I realized, I am in no form of hurrying to get this little one out of me.  Yes, it'll be nice to have my body back (in a sense), but this child is coming... and I must enjoy my last days of mothering "only" two.  That said, my mind is whirlwindish thinking of things we must accomplish before another blessing is added to the day-to-day routine.

Travis was gone this past week on a trip.  I pretty much sat on the couch and crossed my legs, willing the baby to not come while Daddy was away.  He obeyed... what a good little chap (or lass).  It was an exhausting week and this weekend has been filled with Travis and I trying to connect: over parenting, over our marriage, over the changes that are about to occur, over tragedy (an Air Force jet crashed on Friday), over the challenges of moving.  May I touch on two of those with you?

OVER PARENTING: Our Bella has been going through a rough phase.  I can't quite put my finger on when it all began, per se, as she's always been head-strong and at times, a tough cookie.  But, lately, it's been draining my energy.  The talking back, the potty talk, the not listening to instructions, etc.  And lately, she has been pulling away from Travis.  Never wanting to be with him, pushing him away when he goes to hug or kiss her, etc.  It's been frustrating, to put it nicely.  I often find myself at my wits end, knowing exactly how to parent this.  I admit, I have not been spending much time in prayer, and I know that therein my problem lies, as only HE knows my daughter fully and wholly, and only HE can give me the wisdom I so desire in how to love her better and point her to Him, ultimately.  This week was a rough one, single parenting.  And yet, when Trav came home Friday night, he was able to see it all very clearly throughout the weekend, what I'm dealing with.  He was able to discipline and give me a break, and also just try and be with her.  If you think of us, please pray for wisdom with that dear girl.

OVER MOVING: Again, I feel drained over this move.  You must think I constantly say "drained", yet it's the exact word to depict what I am.  That empty, wilted, limp rag feeling of just plain tired.  Making friends takes time and energy, the two things that I seem to lack.  We were blessed with knowing three great friends down here already, and I often thank God for those pre-instituted friendships.  I am very content with just knowing them, and I don't have a desire to reach out and meet new folk.  It seems that my days are simply filled with parenting, taking care of house and home, meeting the family's needs.  To go out and meet people?  Make an effort with our church's people?  Exhausting for me.  Yet, I'm trying.  And I often end those times in tears.  I hate the feeling of being new and unknown.  I hate the feeling of being needy for friends.  And especially at this time, when our new baby is so close to making its debut, all I want is familiarity and my old Kansan friends.  I want family nearby.  I want my old neighbors.  My old church.  Fortunately, I married a people-lover, friendly, outgoing guy.... who makes getting out and meeting new folk easier.  But still... if you think of us, please pray for effort, energy, and some amount of extroversion on my end.

Well, this was a rather serious post.  But, me, just the same.  And it's pictureless... So, if you made it this far, know that I appreciate each and every one of you, who makes being social (albeit social media) easier for me and makes me feel still connected, although I mayn't leave the house all day.  Sometimes, technology is a drag.  But sometimes, it's really rather nice, wouldn't you agree?

move-in day

Today is move-in day.  Our household goods are being delivered right as I type.  Yet the girls and I had different plans.

Yesterday, we visited the Florida Aquarium.  The girls and Trav enjoyed it... although, I felt rather queasy and uncomfortable all morning.  Despite the fun, I finally begged to go home and lie down.

I napped for a few hours before I awoke to Bella throwing up everywhere.  I followed next.  Only to be outdone by Summer's three puking episodes in the middle of the night.  The Great Flu finally hit our fam.  Trav is the only one not affected (dare I say, yet??), but he did get the flu shot... so maybe it won't hit him.

The girls seem to be back to normal this morning, but my stomach feels yucky.  So, we're taking it easy... watching lots of Nick Jr. and PBS Kids (thank heaven for cable channels!) and drinking gatorade.

To say this is not how I expected move-in day to be would be an understatement, but I'm ever EVER so grateful for my husband.  Yesterday was one of those days when I felt like I couldn't express enough gratitude towards him.  From staying up most of the night to clean throw-up sheets and blankets to getting us gatorade and crackers; from watching the children and letting me sleep to taking full responsibility for everything... I just felt so thankful he was here.  Knowing full well that these sick times somehow always seem to happen when he's absent and knowing full well that it could have so easily occurred that way, I want to say now:

Travis is a good, good man.

Enough talk about barf.  Enjoy the sweet pictures I snapped of our girls yesterday.  No matter how much it sucks being sick, it sucks 10x more seeing your babies go through it.  And it sucks 20x more when they don't know how to make it in the ice bucket.  And it sucks 30x more when the next morning they keep pretending to make throw-up noises to re-inact last night... and every time I nearly jump out of my skin, rushing over there to shove the ice bucket under their chin.  Paranoid much???

WHY?

Do you fellow moms agree that this should be turned into a law of nature??

WHY? when Daddy sits down to eat, the kids are completely uninterested, happily playing, have no needs in the entire universe.

and when Mama sits down to eat, the kids want 3/4 of the food on my plate, irregardless that they were just "sooooooo full" from their own lunch; can't stop fighting over the toys; gain approximately 17.8 new boo boo's; and need to be wiped from going poo poo.

Just a simple question.

Today...

TODAY...

...the girls are playing nicely... and having so much fun just rearranging things in the house and make-believing and building forts.

...and Bella asked me to pretend I was the mama, and they were the babies.  And could I please let her put the pillows and blankets on the ground so they could pretend to have reading time??

...it was a tough choice, but I relented.  Mothering these two can be so hard on days like this!

...with all this quiet, extra, playing-nicely time, I decided I wanted a yummy dinner tonight.  So I began to boil the potatoes for my Nana's extremely delicious au gratin potato recipe.  With a huge, healthy salad of romaine and kale and onions and cucumbers on the side... and maybe a bit of meat...

...I admired my five-day old birthday roses, and wished they could stay beautiful forever.  And wished I could have skin like a rose petal... wouldn't that be lovely?

...I listened to the conversation taking place between two soft faces pressed closely together:
B: "Summer, I'm FOUR now."
S: "Five?"
B: "No, FOUR."
S: "Six?"
B: *exasperated sigh* "NO, Summer, listen to me.  I'm FOUR now, on my birthday.  You're still only one."
S: "No, I five!"
B: "Summer, you just don't understand.  I'm FOUR!"
S: "Six?"

Today... I'm just a mom.  Not all days are like today.  I'm so thankful God gives us these sunny ones, to help during the thunderstorms and drizzles.

Oh, to be like Anne...

I am a yeller.  I don't want to be.  In fact, my mom yelled when I was a kid.  And more likely than not, her mom yelled.  It happens when I get frustrated beyond the point of controlling myself, and then... I YELL.  I swore to myself, when I was young, I would not yell at my children.  And yet, I find myself doing it more often than I like.  As I'm yelling, I hate myself more than anything.

So, at other times, when I'm trying to control my yelling habit, I instead take deep breath, and SIGH... loudly.  My mom also sighed.  I disliked that even more than yelling, knowing you had disappointed your mother beyond words.  Hear me now, I treasure my mama more than anyone and revere her deeply.  And I don't blame her one bit: having five children - all crammed into eight years - homeschooling all day long.  Five noisy, PIANO-PLAYING, singing, LOUD, chatterboxes.  But, I know how the yelling and sighing made me feel.  It's just always a bit mind-boggling when you see yourself do what you swore you'd never do.

I sighed last night at Bella.  And her face fell.  I sighed when she dropped honey on the floor.  Sticky, oozing honey ... joining the smooshed raisins, crushed banana muffin crumbs in the carpet, legos scattered every which way... all on my newly mopped floor.  I sighed and as she raised her beautiful, honey-colored eyes to mine, dolefully apologizing for spilling, I hated myself again.  Why can't I be less-critical?  Why can't I be okay with spills?  Why do they have to force a yell or sigh from me?

Honestly: why can't I just be more like Anne Blythe??  The dear Anne-girl, whom married Gilbert Blythe, and is a darling, sweet, ever-loving mother to her six children.... why can't I be more like her??  (I'm deeply buried in Anne books, right now).

Of course, if I can give myself a bit of credit, I might be more darling, sweet, & ever-loving if I too had a cook, live-in maid and nanny.  Just sayin'.

(And, check out this darling, sweet, ever-lovely re-enactment of Anne's wedding photo shoot here!)

real life

I took the girls to the library.  Normally, they're really good.  Not this time.  Summer wouldn't stop running around, pulling books off the shelves.  Bella kept whining that she couldn't find the one book she was looking for.  They both were LOUD.  People stared.  I quickly tried to find the book I was looking for, with Summer squirming on my hip, Bella hanging on my leg, pretending she's a dog.  I checked out as fast as I could.  As we walk out the door, the bottom of the door catches on Bella's flip-flop.  It breaks off her foot and she screams out the most blood-curdling scream for me NOT TO LEAVE WITHOUT HER AND HER SANDAL!!!!!!!  I whip around and begin yelling at her to BE QUIET!!!  Meanwhile, people are walking out of the library, staring at me as if I'm the devil and my kids are my own little demons.  Not a proud moment.

***

Tonight I went over to a friend's house for dinner.  Summer wouldn't leave me alone.  As in, kept crawling all over my lap, tried climbing onto the kitchen table, under the table.  Made having a coherent, sensible, adult conversation nearly impossible.  Scratch that.  I don't think we had a coherent conversation.  I left feeling a mixture of embarrassment at my social skills, and happy to have had some adult interaction.

***

My husband's coming home soon, Lord willing.  I am beginning to feel some fear about the reintegration process.  The process that always seems so dreamy from far away, but super chaotic and difficult in real life.  I'm praying like crazy that God will grant me an extra EXTRA dose of patience, understanding, LOVE, and selflessness. I know I am my own worst critic, but I desire to be so much more excelled in those areas.

***

When Trav's gone, I don't really cook.  Bella's a good eater, but Summer is one you have to fight tooth and nail to get more than 3 bites in her mouth.  The process makes me lose my "umph" to cook.  Therefore, (except for the time we were at my parents' home) we've had an overload of mac n' cheese, grilled cheese, quesadillas, PB&J's, and cereal.  I'm not really proud of this, but my kids are still alive and happy.  And that's all that really matters.

Just feeling the need to bare my soul.  Ahh... a little better now.

keep on

This picture is reality:

I have two darling girls, but mothering is not for the faint-hearted.  Hear me correctly: mothers may be faint-hearted, but consistent, daily mothering cannot be dealt with faint-heartedly.  I have two darling girls, yet I constantly feel as if I'm a ballerina pirouetting.  Spinning and spinning, on one foot, teaching this girl manners, fixing that girl's temper tantrum, practicing letters with one girl, kissing another's boo-boos, cleaning that girl's bum, wiping that one's nose.

This afternoon, my little brother and his darling wife stopped by unexpectedly.  I love them.  I rarely see them.  Any time I do see them, I am either (a) feeding the girls, (b) chasing the girls, (c) exhausted myself.  We all sat outside and chatted in the sun as my eyes continually darted to Summer, who was trying to climb the wall.  We wanted to play a game.  Scattergories was brought out.  I was continually interrupted by Summer clambering on my legs, wanting to draw with my pencil.  Bella needed to be wiped at one point.  Summer fell at another.  I wanted to scream, "JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE WITH MY BROTHER!!!"  Then, I said "no" to Summer and she fell on the ground, writhing and screaming in a tantrum.

I looked at my mom, brother, and sister-in-law and sighed, "I just don't want to deal with it anymore!"  I turned my back on Summer for a moment and let her scream... before I realized I was wrong.  I have to deal with it, whether I want to or not.  I owe it to her.

I'm not of the "Let them scream and I'll ignore them" mindset.  Tantrums are not allowed.  They happen - oh they happen - but they're not tolerated.  So, I separated her.  I disciplined.  I dealt with her.  I taught her.  I missed part of the game.  I was a mother, instead of a sister.

You see, Travis and I brought our girls into the world.  We owe them parenting: good, consistent, boundaries, loving parenting.  It's the hardest thing ever done.  It's saying "No" to myself and "Yes" to their good.  I want to give grace... but that comes down the line.  At ages 18 mos and almost 4 years, it's about boundaries, consistency and extravagant love.  There can never be too much love.

My mom told me something right after Bella was born that has stuck in my head so stubbornly.  She told me this minutes after I went through hell and back to bring that girl into the world.  When I felt so helpless, tired, and overwhelmed, she said this:

"This little girl owes you nothing.  You owe her everything.  

You brought her into this world,

and now you owe her all you have."

And she's right.  I owe them my best.  My most diligent consistency.  My most patient love.  My sleepless nights.  My hard-working marriage.  And that's what popped into my head as I tried to tune out my mad, 18-month old daughter laying on the pavement behind me.  I owe her.  I owe her truth, consistency, and tough love.

Therefore, fellow-mothers, tough it out.  Let's be consistent and loving.  Keep on keeping on.  We're in it together.  Our children need our all.

on parenting, or knowing yourself, or just some thoughts written down

If parenting has taught me anything, it's taught me that life is a series of seasons.  Life is much more multi-faceted than it looks at sixteen.  I thought I knew who I was in college.  Then I wed.  Then I bore babies.  Now, I know that I am an ever-evolving woman who knows nothing save the blessed truth that I need Christ and Christ is all.  I've done a lot of things I swore I'd never do; said things I vowed never to say; thought things I never knew I could.  Yes, life is a series of seasons: ups and downs, busy and boring, fun and fearful, full and empty.

I'll always be Jenny, but I'm not who I was five years ago.  Nobody is, I suppose.  Yet, this concept hit me while my mom was visiting a few days ago, and while we traveled back to California together.  I wasn't much for conversation.  I also noticed this when my sister, Betsy, came to visit a few months back.  I've always enjoyed a good, deep, true conversation.  But, when some of my favorite people had visited, I felt at a loss of words.  My brain feels rather empty most of the time.

It's not empty, of course.  Rather, it's filled with thoughts about the whereabouts of my two punks, what nutritious (or not nutritious) meal I need make next, the chores that are never ending, the way I instruct the girls on how to use social etiquette, what Scripture I'm filling the girls' (and my) heads with, when nap time is, when bedtime is, what other mom's I can connect with, how I can connect with my husband when miles separate us, what bum needs to be wiped, when toilet paper needs to be purchased next, etc.etc.etc.

When time comes for me to apply social etiquette and begin a conversation, I feel uncomfortable in the very shoes I used to prance in.  I'd rather sit on the couch and stare into space.  I'd rather curl up and snooze.  I'd rather lay my head on my husband's strong shoulder and shove popcorn into my mouth.  I simply can't think of much to say...

It's certainly a different season of life.  And this is just one aspect.  But it's just that: a season.  It's not forever, it's not even for a majority of my life.  It's here and now, but it's fleeting.  And if parenting has taught me anything else, it's to cherish the season you're in, because it certainly goes fast.

So, forgive me if I seem a doofus or don't have many interesting topics to explore.  Forgive me if I lack blogging-energy or blogging-inspiration I wish I had.  Forgive me if I can't think of much to say.  My brain is rather tired and a mite preoccupied.  BUT, I have many humorous antics to share throughout these days.  And I could always interest you in a titillating discussion of meals to make that your kids will hate, or how many poops I've wiped today.

If parenting has taught me anything, it's taught me that I love it.  I may have lost sight of the ravenous reader, amusing conversationalist, witty Jenny that I remember.  Yet, I know she's still in there... and I've found another side of her that is quite important too.

stream-of-consciousness

Two little brown legs.  Two skinny white ones.  A set of blue eyes and a pair of hazel.  Some yellow fuzz and honey-brown curls. Skin softer than velvet and sweeter than sugar.  A quick, fiery mind and a goofy, tag-a-long attitude.  A lover of books and a lover of babies.  One 100% awake and 100% asleep; one slow-waker-up, light sleeper.  Two snugglers and lap-hoarders.  One fiercely independent and the other right on her heels.  Two hands to hold: so soft and trusting.  Two hearts to guide.  Two sleeping soundly upstairs as I whisper "good night."

our mornings

Our mornings start early.  Without fail, no matter what time she retires, Summer is up at 6:30.  Which, thus, wakes my other child.  Despite beginning while it is still dark outside, we take our mornings slow.

A glass of Orange Juice
A bowl of oatmeal
LOTS of books
A few puzzles
A few hundred rounds of pushing strollers and babies
A quiet time in the Word
Lots of make-believe
Maybe a nap for the early-riser

We love taking our mornings slow - jammies, unruly hair, no appointments.  School days are coming too soon... and that'll jolt us back to reality.  But for now... we relish our young-babies-stay-at-home-Mama days.

for the love of learning

 One of the greatest things about having children is the opportunity to pass down one's most beloved pastimes and passions.  For my husband and I, there are four things we desire our children to love:
the Lord, music, sports/athleticism, and reading.  Our girls are still pretty young (3.5 years and 15 mos), yet I hope all of these areas are being implanted in their little lives.  Learning to love our God is obviously the most important.  They could grow up to be video game players, still love the Lord with all their hearts and I'd be semi-okay with that.  :)

Loving books is so very important to me.  I'm a reader down to my core.  One of my earliest memories is learning to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar at age 4 and being so proud of myself.  I remember learning the word "fluorescent" and feeling very advanced.  I remember learning the word "chaos" was pronounced ka-os and not as it's spelled, and feeling like a complete dweeb because I had mispronounced it in my head for so long.  I love words.

My dad was exceptional at reading to us as children.  Heck, well into my high school years, we would gather - all five children - and listen to The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, Tom's Midnight Garden, and so many other stories.  There's something about sharing a story that is so connecting.  I am waiting with baited breath til my girls are old enough to begin reading some of my favorite series aloud.

For the sake of sharing good things, here are some of the books the girls and I enjoy reading.  We visit the library quite often (there are four great ones in our area!) - it helps me enjoy the reading process fully when I can get a "change of scenery" from our own books.  Nothing beats a warm lap, a child and a book.

A Visitor for Bear

any Fancy Nancy book

Charlotte's Web

Bread and Jam for Frances

The Paper Bag Princess

Mop Top

any Don Freeman book (author of Corduroy)

any David McPhail book 

the Little House books - simplified versions of Little House on the Prairie

The Little House

Katy and the Big Snow

Mike Mulligan's Steam Shovel

Blueberries for Sal

any Disney movie in book form

any Don & Audrey Wood book

Often, it can be overwhelming going into the children's section at a library.  So many books and some are so dumb and annoying to read.  Find an author/illustrator you enjoy, and seek out more of their works!!  What are some favorites of yours?  I always love a good book recommendation...

saturdays

Daddy was supposed to be home last Monday.  It got delayed til Friday.  Then, on Thursday, he called and told us he wouldn't be home til next Thursday.  Rather disappointing.  And I just kinda felt like I couldn't do one more weekend alone.

But Saturday morning came, and God gave me the grace of finding the abundance of life in what He's given us:

two SWEET girls,

that love to sit by the floor heater early in the morning

Summer found this paci under her crib yesterday.
She has been putting it in her mouth,
saying "Baby" and then tots around the house
"pretending" she's a baby.  :)

giggles and chasing;

a table to play "fort" under;

the ability & luxury to stay at home with my children;

the privilege to serve & train them every day.

Saturday was nice.

And Thursday is only four days away.

let them play with pots and pans

By 7 a.m., I had already
{been awoken from a good dream}
{nursed a baby}
{been gouged in the eye}
{stripped a fully-urine-soaked bed}
{started a load of laundry}
{cleaned up spilled orange juice}
{reprimanded a whining child}
{wiped two bums}
{answered 14 "why?" questions}

... and all I wanted to do was shut the world out and crawl under the blanket of sleepy nothingness.  Yet, life goes on and children need their mother.  And while I hoped and prayed my dark cloud of grump would blow away as the morning droned on, it hasn't... to be honest.  I'm finding myself counting to 10 every time she falls off something she's not supposed to be climbing on, every time she spills something else, every time the little one won't let go of my leg, every time she whines, every time... I need patience.  They need grace.

In hopes of a small respite from the incessant questions and leg-hugging while I tried to whip up the mashed potatoes for Trav's work Thanksgiving party this afternoon, I opened up the tuperware/non-breakable items cabinet and let them have at it.  Bella's eyes were huge, as I've never let them play with the kitchen cabinet contents.

Sometimes, I just need to be reminded to let go a bit.  So, my strainer is smushed by Summer's cute bum.  And it's covered in her curious tongue-saliva.  So I'll have to wash virtually every dish housed in those cupboards.  They had fun.  And it was quiet - for a bit.  And those 20 minutes renewed a slight sense of peace.  Let them play with pots and pans.  These years are short...

And one day, I'll catch up on sleep.  Right, Ma and Pa??

on belonging to Christ

Unbeknownst to me, the topic of Venus brought up much discussion.  Good discussion, especially between my husband and I.  Discussions like,
(a) I know, technically, Venus is naked.  And it should offend me, in a certain way.  But, honestly, it doesn't.  She seems like a piece of art - almost more like a manican...  But, then, people could go into the whole argument "Well... porn is art!"  which, of course, is totally stupid and, No.  It's not.  So, anyways, I find it difficult to know how to behave/live in situations like this: where our head knows one thing (nakedness is not for display) but our hearts feel another (I don't care/am not offended).

Which brought up
(b) Trav's beef with having it on display was not so much with the naked factor (I mean, it's not that explicit), but with the fact that our decor represents our family.  I hadn't thought of that.  With Venus on display, he didn't want visitors to think that we were okay with nakedness and that sort of thing.

That got me thinking ... how true that is.  We've been really working with Bella on being a part of our family.  I constantly ask her what her whole name is, what Summer's whole name is, my whole name, etc.  At the end of this fun drill, I always point out that we all share the same last name.  That's because we're a family.  And we love one another.  And stick up for one another.  And encourage one another.  We want to always protect and nurture one another.  My purpose in teaching her this is two-fold:
(1) We desire our children to feel the belonging that everyone yearns for in our home.  Within our family.  We want them to know they are wanted, loved, and accepted at in our family.  Always.  No matter what.
(2) We hope that with this foundation, they'll easily transition to knowing the true Belonging of belonging to Christ.  We want our children to know and love Christ and belong that that greater Family.  Just how we act in our daily lives represents our family, so how we act in life represents to Whom we belong - namely, God.

All this being said.... Trav's point made sense to me.  If I belong to Christ, I am mirroring Him to others, daily.  So maybe Venus should be displayed somewhere else... or perhaps, with a make-shift toga.  Which is precisely what she'll be donning later this afternoon.

whoa, nellie

Soooo... ya.  Yesterday, instead of writing a post about my 3-year old's humorous sayings, I wrote a post about our disciplining methods.  Whoops.  After going back and forth all evening, wanting to defend our stance/beliefs and wanting to just let it go... I let the one-internet-cord situation deal with it.  Husband needed the cord, thus, I was computerless let it go.  I'm not here to defend why I use spanking as a method of discipline.  If you differ in beliefs, that's totally fine.  One of the most wonderful aspects of America - freedom.

And honestly, no offense was taken.  I love how that precursor is always thrown out there... "No offense, but..." It always makes me smile.  I'm not sure why.  I think because it reminds me of the scene in "You've Got Mail" when Joe Fox says, "It wasn't... personal," to Kathleen Kelly.  And she flips out on him.

Joe Fox: It wasn't... personal.
Kathleen Kelly: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's *personal* to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?
Joe Fox: Uh, nothing.
Kathleen Kelly: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal. 


True dat.  What's so wrong with being offended anyway?  Why can't people be offended?  I mean, sometimes there is rather unnecessary offensiveness, but at times, you're going to get offended.  Tis life.  So, get over it.  Get offended.  It's okay.  It's not the end of the world.  Just my two cents.  :)

honest parenting

Bella. My, oh my, oh MY.

Today was not pretty.

Let me preface this by admitting that the last couple days have passed with not such a stellar attitude from me.  I'm not sure if my hormones are finally balancing out again, or what, but I've been teary, exhausted, and moody. Prime candidate for lovely company.  And while being with my parents is sooo helpful and dreamy, the fact of the matter is that living in another's home with two youngun's is less than ideal.  Worth it?  Yes, but hard too.

Sooo... y'all know my eldest.  Her spastic, strong will.  My, oh my, oh MY.  Along with my PMS (or whatever we'll label my moodiness) = not a good match.  Everything is a challenge with her.  Every tone of voice.  Every command.  Every situation... all calls for such consistency and love and patience... I'm absolutely beat by 7 o'clock PM.  

Today was long, as is, but bedtime put me over the edge.  Starting with the bath time.  In bullet form, it went something like this:

• I fill the tub.  Bella is yelling "BOO!!!" in Summer's face - making a tired, crabby baby even crabbier.
• I tell Bella to get undressed while I continue to prep to bathe both girls.
• I yell at Bella again to get undressed and stop yelling in Summer's face.
• Bella screams that the water is TOO HOT (which it's totally not) and begins crying hysterically.
• Summer's crying on the floor next to the tub b/c I'm not holding her.
• I bathe Bella amidst cries.
• She tells me how to clean her, I tell her to stop bossing me around.  I'm the Mama.
• I finally get Summer in the tub.
• Bella begins splashing Summer - making her upset.
• I'm upset at Bella.
• Bella begins drinking dirty bath water.
• I tell her to stop.
• She continues.
• I tell her to stop again.
• She then LICKS the water - "I'm not drinking it Mama."
• I tell her to stop.
• She then puts the water on her thumb and sucks her thumb.
• I poke my eyeballs out.
• Then I drain the tub - "You can't obey, you can't play."
• More tears.
• Summer's screaming for some milk and sleep.
• I pull Bell out, wrap her in a towel and scoop Summer up and tell Bella to follow me to the bedroom.
• Bella slips on floor and falls.
• More crying.
• I LOSE IT!!!!!

No more sympathy!  No more crying!  No more THURSDAY!!!  This day needs to be over!!!!!

Eventually, both girls are dressed.  Summer is fed, and down.  I pull Bella into my bedroom and gather some books and nestle on the bed.  Pulling her close, I apologize.

"Bells. I'm sorry I lost my temper.  That was so wrong of me.  I need to work on my patience.  Will you please forgive me?"

She looks at me with wide eyes, as her wet hair begins to *boing* back into the familiar ringlets.  

"Yes, I do forgive you, Mama."

"Thanks, Love.  You want to read a couple books now?"

She snuggles close to me and as I begin to open Go, Dog. GO!, she glances up at me with her concerned face.  "Mama?  You losed it?  Where did you lose it?"

"Lose what?" I'm confused now.

"You losed your temperature?  Where did it go?  Maybe Mimi and Grand-dad will have a temperature you can use.  Don't worry that you losed your temperature, Mama.  I forgive you.  Don't worry."

***

("Temperature" is Bella's word for thermometer.)

Oh parenting... 

So hard.

So exhilarating.

So humiliating.

So exhausting.

So...

*sigh*

I love kids.

Yay!! I'm not the only one...

Kevin DeYoung is author of the blog "DeYoung, Restless, and Reformed."  A blog of the Gospel Coalition.  He wrote an amusing post on Gospel-centered attempts at parenting.  Here's the beginning:

Me: What’s the matter son?
Child: I want that toy and he won’t give it to me!
Me: Why do you want the toy?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: What’s going on in your heart when you desire that toy?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: Think about it son. Use your brain. Don’t you know something?
Child: I guess I just want the toy.
Me: Obviously. But why?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: Fine. [Mental note: abandon "why" questions and skip straight to leading questions.] Do you think he is having fun playing with the toy right now?
Child: No.
Me: Really?! He’s not having fun? Then why does he want that toy in the first place?
Child: Because he’s mean.
Me: Have you ever considered that maybe you are being mean by trying to rip the toy from his quivering little hands?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: What do you know?
Child: I don’t know!
Me: Nevermind. [I wonder how my brilliant child can know absolutely nothing at this moment.] Well, I think taking the toy from him will make your brother sad. Do you like to make him sad?
Child: I don’t know.
Me: [Audible sigh.]
Child: He makes me sad all the time!
Me: Well, I’m getting sad right now with your attitude! [Pause, think, what would Paul Tripp do?  Thinking . . .  thinking . . . Man, I can't stop thinking of that mustache. This isn't working. Let's just go right to the Jesus part.] You know, Jesus wants us to love each other.
Child: I don’t know.
Me: I didn’t ask you a question!
Child: [Pause.] Can I have some fruit snacks?
Me: No, you can’t have fruit snacks. We are talking about the gospel. Jesus loves us and died for us. He wants you to love your brother too.
Child: So?
Me: So give him the toy back!

Then I lunge for the toy and the child runs away. I tell him to come back here this instant and threaten to throw the toy in the trash. I recommit myself to turning down speaking engagements on parenting.

Read the rest here, or find Justin Taylor's take on it at his blog.  Either way, it made me laugh and feel "not so alone" in my attempts at Gospel-centered parenting.  :-)  

a conversation

In Bella's room, there's a glider chair and a baby wooden chair.  I use the glider to nurse Summer during her morning feedings.  Bella likes to "steal" the glider from me, right when she sees I'm getting ready to nurse.

Yesterday morning was no different.  As I picked Summer up from the changing table, I noticed Bella eyeing my moves and rushed to sit in the seat before I got to it.  I stood, silently waiting before the glider, watching to see what she would do next.  She avoided all eye-contact.

"Bella, can Mama have the chair to nurse Summer in?"

"It's MY chair.  You can sit over there."  She jerked a finger in the direction of the foot-high wooden chair.

"Bella, that's not the way you speak to Mama.  I asked to sit in the chair.  You know that's the chair I use to nurse Summer."

"I'm sitting here.  I nurse Summer here."  Her stubborn brow was set.

I sighed.  "Bella sweets.  Listen.  This is a time where you can really respect Mama and show me love.  When people are older than us, we can show love and respect by always offering the best and most comfortable things to them, because we want them to be comfortable!  Being kind is forgetting about what we want and doing what is best for others.  You love Mama, right?"

"Ya, I do."

"Okay, I know you do.  So, you want to give Mama what would be best for me, okay?"

"Can I do it by myself?  I want to do it by myself..."

"Do what by yourself?" not quite sure if she just understood my mini-sermon.

"Ask you by myself!!"

"Uhhh, sure."

"Mama?" she said, in her high sweet voice, quickly hopping off the glider.  "Here is 'dis chair for you.  It is the MOST comfortable and it is for YOU," she patted the seat, looking at me with high eyebrows.

Smiling, I took my seat.  "Thank you, dear Bells.  You are so kind to me."

"Yes, I am."


(Trying to get that girl to smile for the camera... keep getting her curly head... that face is too spunky for her own good.)