This picture is reality:
I have two darling girls, but mothering is not for the faint-hearted. Hear me correctly: mothers may be faint-hearted, but consistent, daily mothering cannot be dealt with faint-heartedly. I have two darling girls, yet I constantly feel as if I'm a ballerina pirouetting. Spinning and spinning, on one foot, teaching this girl manners, fixing that girl's temper tantrum, practicing letters with one girl, kissing another's boo-boos, cleaning that girl's bum, wiping that one's nose.
This afternoon, my little brother and his darling wife stopped by unexpectedly. I love them. I rarely see them. Any time I do see them, I am either (a) feeding the girls, (b) chasing the girls, (c) exhausted myself. We all sat outside and chatted in the sun as my eyes continually darted to Summer, who was trying to climb the wall. We wanted to play a game. Scattergories was brought out. I was continually interrupted by Summer clambering on my legs, wanting to draw with my pencil. Bella needed to be wiped at one point. Summer fell at another. I wanted to scream, "JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE WITH MY BROTHER!!!" Then, I said "no" to Summer and she fell on the ground, writhing and screaming in a tantrum.
I looked at my mom, brother, and sister-in-law and sighed, "I just don't want to deal with it anymore!" I turned my back on Summer for a moment and let her scream... before I realized I was wrong. I have to deal with it, whether I want to or not. I owe it to her.
I'm not of the "Let them scream and I'll ignore them" mindset. Tantrums are not allowed. They happen - oh they happen - but they're not tolerated. So, I separated her. I disciplined. I dealt with her. I taught her. I missed part of the game. I was a mother, instead of a sister.
You see, Travis and I brought our girls into the world. We owe them parenting: good, consistent, boundaries, loving parenting. It's the hardest thing ever done. It's saying "No" to myself and "Yes" to their good. I want to give grace... but that comes down the line. At ages 18 mos and almost 4 years, it's about boundaries, consistency and extravagant love. There can never be too much love.
My mom told me something right after Bella was born that has stuck in my head so stubbornly. She told me this minutes after I went through hell and back to bring that girl into the world. When I felt so helpless, tired, and overwhelmed, she said this:
"This little girl owes you nothing. You owe her everything.
You brought her into this world,
and now you owe her all you have."
And she's right. I owe them my best. My most diligent consistency. My most patient love. My sleepless nights. My hard-working marriage. And that's what popped into my head as I tried to tune out my mad, 18-month old daughter laying on the pavement behind me. I owe her. I owe her truth, consistency, and tough love.
Therefore, fellow-mothers, tough it out. Let's be consistent and loving. Keep on keeping on. We're in it together. Our children need our all.
11 comments:
Thank you, Jenny, I needed to read this tonight. I am three months into a yearlong deployment, and I am utterly exhausted and often discouraged by the daunting task of parenting these two little girls all by myself. But your mom was so very, very right.
Thank you for this, Jenny! Just the encouraging words I needed to hear. It's such an awesome responsibility to shoulder, especially when you're the only parent available. But, I've learned that having the "I just can't/don't want to deal with this right now" attitude, usually leads to a much bigger deal for me to have to deal with! ;)
Karisa and Paige,
I think us military wives feel this poignantly when our husbands are oft absent. Karisa - a year! Wow... keep on, girl. You are amazing.
And Paige, I agree... whenever I push the parenting off to the side, it just gets worse. Wish we could visit in person, dear friend!
Oh goodness. I needed to read this. Extravagant love, even when little girl brings on the attitude all.day.long. Deep breath. Extravagant love.
Out of all the blogs I read, you talk the most consistently about raising your girls right and good. I appreciate that so much.
Oh how I remember poignantly the desire to just be a daughter in my parents home, and instead, having to be the mom. Missing out on conversations because I had to carry a screaming child out of the room and keep her elsewhere until she was calm. Now that my girls would rather play with cousins, work out their own problems so that they don't have to be separated, and can feed themselves and wipe their own bums, I feel that loss. Granted, its glorious to sleep in on a Saturday morning since my now 10 year old can feed herself and her sister, but I miss the good old days. I love the seasons of life and I'm in a glorious one with my girls, but I must admit that now that its passed, I do miss those days when a kiss made a boo-boo better and the world revolved around my relationship with my precious daughters. That being said, I always adore the things you say, they strike a chord, and I love the wisdom and light you share! Thanks Jenny, I miss you and seeing your beautiful girls grow!
Jenny, you are truly one of the best moms that i know. Your momma must be SO proud of you! i admire your parenting so much. i know we both have the same views on parenting and disciplining our children and I love our like-mindedness, but you are SO MUCH more consistent than I am. I long to be more like you in this area. Thanks for the encouragement. I needed it! You are amazing girl!!! I am praying for you whenever I think of you dear friend and I can't wait for you to come home! i was on base this morning and when i passed by your house my heart ached a tiny bit for you.....enjoy your fam, but hurry home!!
I had this realization at Easter when I needed to take care of my very fussy boy who needed discipline and I had to leave my grandpa's 90th birthday party to deal with it. I keep thinking of the words from "Shepherding a Child's Heart" that the more discipline we do now when they are little, the less they'll need later on (and, the better off they'll be!!)....tough to do right now but SO true! Great thoughts!! :)
Thank you for this. My husband just left three weeks ago on another deployment, leaving me with our 21 month old and 1 week old daughters. I really needed to read this tonight, so thank you!
Jenny, as a new mother I really appreciated this post as I am already realizing how every moment of my day is different now. Your mother's words were so wise, and I will now carry them with me as well. Thanks for sharing.
Jenny, I love your thoughts you shared here. So true. You are a great parent!
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