If parenting has taught me anything, it's taught me that life is a series of seasons. Life is much more multi-faceted than it looks at sixteen. I thought I knew who I was in college. Then I wed. Then I bore babies. Now, I know that I am an ever-evolving woman who knows nothing save the blessed truth that I need Christ and Christ is all. I've done a lot of things I swore I'd never do; said things I vowed never to say; thought things I never knew I could. Yes, life is a series of seasons: ups and downs, busy and boring, fun and fearful, full and empty.
I'll always be Jenny, but I'm not who I was five years ago. Nobody is, I suppose. Yet, this concept hit me while my mom was visiting a few days ago, and while we traveled back to California together. I wasn't much for conversation. I also noticed this when my sister, Betsy, came to visit a few months back. I've always enjoyed a good, deep, true conversation. But, when some of my favorite people had visited, I felt at a loss of words. My brain feels rather empty most of the time.
It's not empty, of course. Rather, it's filled with thoughts about the whereabouts of my two punks, what nutritious (or not nutritious) meal I need make next, the chores that are never ending, the way I instruct the girls on how to use social etiquette, what Scripture I'm filling the girls' (and my) heads with, when nap time is, when bedtime is, what other mom's I can connect with, how I can connect with my husband when miles separate us, what bum needs to be wiped, when toilet paper needs to be purchased next, etc.etc.etc.
When time comes for me to apply social etiquette and begin a conversation, I feel uncomfortable in the very shoes I used to prance in. I'd rather sit on the couch and stare into space. I'd rather curl up and snooze. I'd rather lay my head on my husband's strong shoulder and shove popcorn into my mouth. I simply can't think of much to say...
It's certainly a different season of life. And this is just one aspect. But it's just that: a season. It's not forever, it's not even for a majority of my life. It's here and now, but it's fleeting. And if parenting has taught me anything else, it's to cherish the season you're in, because it certainly goes fast.
So, forgive me if I seem a doofus or don't have many interesting topics to explore. Forgive me if I lack blogging-energy or blogging-inspiration I wish I had. Forgive me if I can't think of much to say. My brain is rather tired and a mite preoccupied. BUT, I have many humorous antics to share throughout these days. And I could always interest you in a titillating discussion of meals to make that your kids will hate, or how many poops I've wiped today.
If parenting has taught me anything, it's taught me that I love it. I may have lost sight of the ravenous reader, amusing conversationalist, witty Jenny that I remember. Yet, I know she's still in there... and I've found another side of her that is quite important too.
I'll always be Jenny, but I'm not who I was five years ago. Nobody is, I suppose. Yet, this concept hit me while my mom was visiting a few days ago, and while we traveled back to California together. I wasn't much for conversation. I also noticed this when my sister, Betsy, came to visit a few months back. I've always enjoyed a good, deep, true conversation. But, when some of my favorite people had visited, I felt at a loss of words. My brain feels rather empty most of the time.
It's not empty, of course. Rather, it's filled with thoughts about the whereabouts of my two punks, what nutritious (or not nutritious) meal I need make next, the chores that are never ending, the way I instruct the girls on how to use social etiquette, what Scripture I'm filling the girls' (and my) heads with, when nap time is, when bedtime is, what other mom's I can connect with, how I can connect with my husband when miles separate us, what bum needs to be wiped, when toilet paper needs to be purchased next, etc.etc.etc.
When time comes for me to apply social etiquette and begin a conversation, I feel uncomfortable in the very shoes I used to prance in. I'd rather sit on the couch and stare into space. I'd rather curl up and snooze. I'd rather lay my head on my husband's strong shoulder and shove popcorn into my mouth. I simply can't think of much to say...
It's certainly a different season of life. And this is just one aspect. But it's just that: a season. It's not forever, it's not even for a majority of my life. It's here and now, but it's fleeting. And if parenting has taught me anything else, it's to cherish the season you're in, because it certainly goes fast.
So, forgive me if I seem a doofus or don't have many interesting topics to explore. Forgive me if I lack blogging-energy or blogging-inspiration I wish I had. Forgive me if I can't think of much to say. My brain is rather tired and a mite preoccupied. BUT, I have many humorous antics to share throughout these days. And I could always interest you in a titillating discussion of meals to make that your kids will hate, or how many poops I've wiped today.
If parenting has taught me anything, it's taught me that I love it. I may have lost sight of the ravenous reader, amusing conversationalist, witty Jenny that I remember. Yet, I know she's still in there... and I've found another side of her that is quite important too.
8 comments:
I love both Jennys. The one I could knit with and chat with in the livingroom of her brick 50's house at CAFB. And the Jenny I got to laugh with and smile as we watched our kiddos play just a few weeks back. Both Jennys are absolutely beautiful and wonderful women - how fun to have them both residing in you!
I'm so with you. To the point where I considered closing out of your blog without commenting, even though it completely resonated with me, because it felt like such work to string words together into a sentence. I went home this past weekend and spent some much needed girl time with dear, dear friends and walked away exhausted. Talking is hard work!!
I could cut and paste this. I could.
Jenny,
I completely understand where you are coming from on this and have felt the exact same way for like the last several years. But I think you're doing way better than I because you are able to post clear thoughts and sentiments on here whereas I haven't even posted on my blog since December. I really do get a lot from your words, even when you feel like your talking nonsense. You seem to put your thoughts clearly onto the page in ways that I never could. Keep it coming!
Jenny this is absolute great. I love this, it's exactly what I have been thinking about myself. Wow!! Excellent blog post.
Oh friend! But you were able to put into words so eloquently what all of us mommies are feeling and may have not even had the energy to muster up such self-awareness. So true. So so so true. Every word. Love it!
I've been thinking about this very thing a lot lately. You express it so well. But I really appreciate the fact that you also acknowledge that this season is GOOD. Yes, we may be giving up some things we used to enjoy -- but what we are reaping in hugs and toddler conversations are changing and shaping us in ways that a college classroom never could. I like seasons. A year would be kind of boring without them (unless you live in CA I suppose...).
Jen, this post sure hit home with me. I've felt and thought these exact same things and wondered where on earth the old me went. Time does change us, life changes us. Love you friend.
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