Soooo... ya. Yesterday, instead of writing a post about my 3-year old's humorous sayings, I wrote a post about our disciplining methods. Whoops. After going back and forth all evening, wanting to defend our stance/beliefs and wanting to just let it go... I let the one-internet-cord situation deal with it. Husband needed the cord, thus, I was computerless let it go. I'm not here to defend why I use spanking as a method of discipline. If you differ in beliefs, that's totally fine. One of the most wonderful aspects of America - freedom.
And honestly, no offense was taken. I love how that precursor is always thrown out there... "No offense, but..." It always makes me smile. I'm not sure why. I think because it reminds me of the scene in "You've Got Mail" when Joe Fox says, "It wasn't... personal," to Kathleen Kelly. And she flips out on him.
Joe Fox: It wasn't... personal.
Kathleen Kelly: What is that supposed to mean? I am so sick of that. All that means is that it wasn't personal to you. But it was personal to me. It's *personal* to a lot of people. And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway?
Joe Fox: Uh, nothing.
Kathleen Kelly: Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.
True dat. What's so wrong with being offended anyway? Why can't people be offended? I mean, sometimes there is rather unnecessary offensiveness, but at times, you're going to get offended. Tis life. So, get over it. Get offended. It's okay. It's not the end of the world. Just my two cents. :)
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14 comments:
:-) thanks.
i know YOU know, this, but since others don't know me and may not realize this....i was being sarcastic in my comments in order to make a point. we use all of the methods i listed as forms of discipline. sorry i felt the need to defend you so strongly. guess my mama bear instinct took over. :-)
Just for fun to join the conversation....we have found that Time Outs are much more effective for our little 3 year old than spanking...so that's what we use. I think, more than anything, the key is knowing your child and caring enough to discipline them in ways that are effective for them...and while we are not totally opposed to spanking, we usually opt for time outs. Jonas responds to them and understands them, so really, take the time to know your children, pray about it, and do your best, being willing to admit when you are wrong and make changes:) Oh, Parenting, what a refining process you are!!! Isn't the Lord so good, to be patient with us as we learn how to parent His gifts to us? Oh, Jenny...I miss you! I like to be offended and don't mind offending others either...makes life more spicy:)
I totally agree that how we turned out (or didn't turn out...) is pointless. That's all relative to a person's perception of their own self. Our only solid argument is that we live according to the Word of God, not Oprah, and fortunately He left us with some very clear parenting rules. Spank em when they need it and your love (spanking) with bring forth fruit! I'm thankful that by God's grace I'm part of that "minority".
Oh goodness, I totally missed the comment kerfuffle yesterday! I'm with you Jenny, I was spank, and I totally will spank.
Also, sometimes I really do want to deck a cashier or other stranger who is being rude and awful; at least maybe they'd change their behaviour! ;) Kidding. Almost. :P
My pa took my red wagon out back behind a shed and tanned it with a switch from a willow tree. SIKE! We should bring that word back...sike.
Wow, that was SO exciting. Where was I eh? I mean, I'm totally the expert on this topic...being I have SO many offspring. :) Anyways, it seems to totally depend on the kid. And you can spank and not cause significant amounts of pain (I would imagine you aren't releasing your mighty fury on her butty). Sometimes it's just the physical contact. I wasn't spanked...my brother was. Verbal was enough for me...light physical contact is what he needed...and my parents weren't Christians then. There you have it.
I feel like a dork because I didn't even go there when you said she was disciplined. I didn't really think about it...but some how totally missed that she was even spanked at all.
oh I just reread it...Bella said it, not you. What a tattle-tale. :)
I think I forgot to report on you last post that while reading it, I laughed so hard I spit my water all over myself. HAHAHA!
Well ladies, I can tell you all have some firm opinions on spanking your kids. I don't think I will ever change your God-fearing Southern minds. I just hope next time you, "lovingly, firmly, not angrily" raise a hand to your child, you maybe, just for a split-second, have a second thought. I actually feel a little ill at the thought of a little kid who only behaves because they don't want their mom to hit them like last time. I feel so strongly on this subject. And no, time outs I don't really believe in either. If my kids are misbehaving, they are usually overwhelmed and need a few minutes to decompress. Jenny, I do not mean it to sound like you abuse your children. Of course you don't. There are many other options out there other than spanking!! And to say it's never done in anger, is baloney in my opinion. However, you are right, we are all going to disagree on this subject. And the point about Oprah was not about listening to Oprah above God. Obviously. I just completely relate to her saying, When you know better, you do better. It applies here. I'm sorry that your post was taken over for this subject, but a little discussion never hurt anyone!!!!
Not going to wade in the discipline arena (can't speak on it - don't have children), but I would just like to say that the quote from You've Got Mail is one my absolute favorites. I think more people need to hear it, too.
In order to get to the situation to where I would need to spank my child I would have to think hard about the issue at hand. So don't assume we don't "think, before we DO."
Also, I am not southern. Or baptist. Just a Jesus follower that has lived in quite a few places. :)
People's comments always get so out of hand back and forth. Sad.I don't usually make comments as I don't like the back and forthness. I spanked my children occassionally. What people don't realize is a small little swat on the bottom is not the same as a "beating". Whatever form of discipline is used, firmness and consistency is the key words.
I have seen parents tell children no, yell at them, put them in time out, spank them, etc. but not be consistent and then the child doesn't form a self-disciple within themselves as if it's okay one time and not the next with the parent/care giver. It sends the child a mixed message.
I don't think we should criticize each other's form of dicipline with our children as long as there is not abuse involved. Time outs can also be done abusively, too. I have seen parents grab their child roughly by the shoulders and set them down hard in a chair for time out. Or yelling that is very verbabally abusive. Or telling a child in the store if they don't hurry up they will leave them there, tell them they're worthless, stupid or they didn't want them in the first place.
A child needs guidance, love and firmness.
Religion, following Jesus or whom you believe in should not be a reason to be judged if you spank your child.
Last, maybe if the rude clerk in a store was raised with some type of guidance and respect for people they wouldn't act the way they do.
Wow, I never saw any of this coming when I read your post yesterday. So much that could be said, but all I really want to say is that you are an incredible mother Jenny, don't question it for a minute.
Spanking or not spanking aside. This had the potential to be such a great conversation. Got to love a good, level headed argument. I think though we have to be careful with our wording...especially when it comes to something so near to the heart as raising your children. Maybe it would have been more appropriate to say something along the lines of, "I noticed you spank your children, I don't agree but was curious on your thoughts behind such a thing...blah blah blah." Such words encourage positive dialogue, and seem like less of an attack. I'm aware of the fact though that it is very hard to seperate emotion from argument.
Ditto what Amanda B said! And just wanted to add that I really appreciate your candor and willingness to be vulnerable with what you share, Jenny. I think you are a great encourager to so many of us who share similar experiences as wives and mothers!
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