elementary musings on married life

The longer I'm married, the more I realize one thing.

I can't change my husband.

I know.  It's the advice one gets over and over before one commits to holy matrimony.  "Don't try to change him/her.... it won't work."  I have a rather thick skull, so it seems.

I've been coming to see that I don't have much sway over what he likes or dislikes.  Or how he does his homework.  Or what he eats.  Or if he picks up after himself or not.  Or if he would rather talk or watch baseball.  I'm not a very motivating person.

What's funny, is, that all this time, I thought I was.  I tried to motivate him the way I would be motivated.  Challenges, inspirational words, deadlines, rewards.  To no avail.

The past weeks have been good for us to live in close quarters with much "free" time.  I am meeting a new Travis, or so it feels.  I've been trying to keep my mouth shut more and really peer into his life to see what he's experiencing.  As natural as birthing a babe, so it is with pushing my words/opinions on my husband.  To stop myself leaves me feeling like I will burst.  But, what I've been noticing is rather elementary, if you ask me.

Travis is his own person.  One that God created uniquely.  A man that God created FOR me, but with aspects and traits so mind-boggling different than mine.  We look at life through different lenses.  We have different interests.  We are motivated differently.  We parent differently.  We are DIFFERENT.  Very different.  While this can bother me and spin my mind round and round as to how we ended up together exactly??, Travis isn't phased (see?  Different!).

So, I can't change him.  I don't really want to change him, if I really think about it.  I want to change me, to love and accept him for who he is.  That takes kindness.  That takes an open mind.  That takes letting go of what I thought might be.

In this little hotel room, smack dab in the middle of Alabama, I've been seeing that kindness works.  Letting go of little hurts has positive effects.  Keeping my mouth shut 90% of the time, and opening my mind to possibilities other than my own way, really can inspire.  In fact, kindness is the best kind of motivation there is, wouldn't you say?