romantic God

I've always considered it dreamy when, upon a woman's crying, her lover would gently take his thumb and wipe away her tears.  Gently soothing, his rough, manly fingers caressing her soft, tear-stained cheeks seemed the perfect equation for romance.  Travis used to do this a lot... back in the day, when I would cry, he'd lean in and whisk my tears away.  I always loved it.

He doesn't do it so much anymore... maybe because he's become used to my tears.  Maybe because of the circumstance of tears.  Maybe because he's learned I rather like to be alone when I cry.

Tears have been common with me lately.  I'm sure (as it always is with women) that I owe this fact to a number of factors, but the MAIN culprit would be .... my husband's job.  I struggle with not wanting to complain, and I fight to be content in every circumstance, but allow me to let you in on a little secret:

I wasn't cut out for this.

And I hate the uncertainty, stress, and aloneness of military wifedom.

Yet, here I am, trying my darndest to stay afloat, remain steadfast for my girls' sake, and be strong.  Yet, along those endeavorings, I find myself closing off, to my husband and my God.  I cried with Trav, yesterday, telling him that God feels so distant, just as my husband feels distant because of our physical separation.  Weird how my relationship with my husband bleeds into my relationship with God... they fade together so indistinctly... and I see the importance (and necessity!) of staying close to both.

And then I read Revelation 21:4.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.

He will wipe away my tears?  That very thought brought me back to the days of when Travis tenderly cared for me in that way.  It brought me back to my tears earlier that afternoon, and I allowed myself to imagine my God tenderly wiping my tears, holding me, murmuring, "There, there, Jenny.  I have you.  I'm right here..." the same way I coddle Summer, while her poor gums ache from teething.

This is personal.  This is for me.  A romantic God, wiping the tears of His bride.  This is hope.