beautiful

I, like every mother and father, want my daughter to know she is beautiful.

From the moment we found out about our unborn baby's cleft lip and palate, I prayed all the harder for a boy, so our sweet daughter wouldn't have to deal with a scarred face.  From the moment we found out, weeks later, we were having a girl, we immediately felt an uncanny sense of protection for her.  We were clueless to the ropes of parenting and didn't have the slightest idea of how much we would truly & passionately love this daughter of ours, but we deeply desired for her to know that, no matter her looks, she is beautiful to us.  Thus, we named her Bella.

Ever since she was born, she has received comments and stares from people, which is to be expected - for she looked different than other children.  But those comments and stares always fell on Travis' and my shoulders - she was too young to comprehend her deformed face.  We were the ones that needed to grow tough skin, be strong, hold back our eager tongues and threatening tears.

In the past two weeks, it's happened about three times.  She gets ridiculed, or blatantly stared at, or told she looks weird.  She's almost 18 months old and she's understanding a lot more than I think she does.  I'm wondering when the day will come when she realizes that she's not "lovely", as the world defines it.  Spunky, cute, full of life - yes.  But lovely, not to the untrained eye.  And being lovely means a lot to a girl, especially if you're going to hear about it all growing up.

So, it's up to us, her parents, to train her, guide her, enlighten her... that it's not what's on the outside that counts, but the inside.  Inner beauty is more important than outer beauty.  Beauty isn't everything.  What people say don't matter.  Don't worry about your looks, focus on your character.  All phrases that are easy to say, but not so easy to believe... not even for me.

A couple days ago, however, after I got her ready for the day, I told her how pretty she looked.  I was letting her try on her various summer hats she has stored away in her drawer.  Putting her down, she ran to her Daddy and stood in front of him, still as could be.  And that sweet man bent down, looked her all over and smiled enormously.  "Ohhhh Bella!  You look so pretty!"  Amazingly enough, the girl blushed!!!  She tilted her head to the side, smiled bashfully, and then looked up at him again, eager for more praise.  Lifting her small body, he brought her to the mirror and showed her how pretty she was.  You should have seen her smile - it was as bright as the sun.  We eventually put her down and went about our business.  Coming into the room moments later, I found her, still in front of the mirror, enamored with her reflection.  Smiling, making faces, playing peek-a-boo, and staring some more - face aglow - she was lovely.

I understand that most children are enamored with their reflection and Bella is no exception.  But, to my mother's heart, it was a precious moment for me.  She was beautiful in her own eyes and I felt the need to sit back, soak it in, and treasure those moments.  I know this area might be extremely difficult for her down the road, I know she'll be hurt many times, and I know that Travis and I will stroke her unruly hair and soothe her dampened spirit one day in the not too distant future.  But, right now at 18-months old, she sees herself - uneven nostrils, flattened nose, stiffly scarred upper lip - and loves what she beholds.  I can't help but think God is glorified in that small, little act.