Epilogue

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Epilogue

And so began our married life: two becoming one, vowing my life to selflessly love Travis more than I loved myself.

How naïve I was to believe this was to be a pleasant, relatively easy road to traipse upon.  For as June 10 commenced and we bid our friends and family adieu, I began my new life.  One that has been a myriad of possibly more downs than ups; one that has taken more gumption and self-will to persevere through than any other area in my life; one that has left me speculating at who I was, who I am, and what my purpose is in life.

Between our disappointing wedding night to our nightmare of a honeymoon; moving two times within our first two months of marriage; being very alone during our first year while Travis worked an insane job (military pilot training); finding out disappointing news in our next military assignment; two more moves in our second year; our surprise pregnancy; having a special needs child; three deployments in our third year and even more temporary trips throughout the weeks, it’s been quite the ride, to say the least. 

Real life set in fast, and within weeks of our wedding day we had found ourselves on more than one occasion in tears, asking, “How are we married???”  Long-distance dating proved to be forgiving, in the sense that we never saw one another for longer than 3-day stints, and used a phone for communicating.  Our compatibility was not our highest forte, and our communication techniques were in some dire need of help.  I found myself quickly hating who I was becoming: namely, a bitter, angry, lackluster, holed-up woman who had gone from one degree of what she thought life entailed to the polar opposite.  It took a good year and a half for us to come to terms with where God had us, surrendering what we wanted for what He wanted.  But that’s a different story for a different time…

Nevertheless, with each and every upheaval that life brought our way, we inexplicably loved one another.  Travis, true to his nature, was constantly patient and tender with me.  I, whilst discovering our conflicting and differing interests and life-goals, desired him and knew deep down that I couldn’t live without him.  Sometimes, it was so uncanny, our love for one another – a love that ran deep, that only could be provided by God alone – that I would marvel at how we were brought together and remained together.  While mentioning this to my mother over the phone during that first year of marriage, she remarked, “You know, Jen, I can’t help but think that our God put you two together to glorify Himself.  He saw you, Jenny, and thought, ‘Whom shall I pair her with so I can get the most glory?’  And he picked Travis.  While an amazing man, you two are opposites in nearly every way.  And so He caused you to fall in love and to blindly declare your lives bound to one another.  Here He is, faithful to His name and His promises, bringing you through every trial and suffering.  He is making you into a better person, and hopefully more like Himself, all the while glorifying Himself in this strange and mysterious union between Travis and Jenny.”

And while that may not be entirely God’s plan or what He had/has intended for us, as my mother was just speculating, I find great hope and truth in her statement.  Isn’t that just like my God, to create possible out of impossible?  To bring beauty from ashes?  To create love when there was nothing? 

Marriage is an uphill battle – one that must be fought for every day.  I’ve heard there are marriages out in the great, wide yonder that are easy.  That need no work.  That survive on compatibility and natural love.  That kind of marriage, my friends, I have yet to experience.  I say this not because I am a pessimist, or because marriage has opened my eyes to “the real world”, or because life with Travis is awful.  Because it simply is not.  We all know, after reading our story, that he is my better half.  That men like him are rare and hard to find.  That with him, my life is incredibly blessed.  However, loving someone more than you love yourself is nigh to impossible.  Sacrificing your wants for the good of your spouse can be tortuous.  Combining two contradicting personalities and fascinations to create a family does not come naturally.  Marriage must be preciously and lovingly tended, like a garden, each and every day to protect from weeds of discord and the drought of easy communication. 

War is tiresome and tricky.  Gardening can be grueling and demanding.  But in the end, when the battle is won and our gardens are lush and full of great, mighty oaks with glorious blooms bursting in every which way, soft green moss padding our bare, weathered feet, we will know it was a battle worth fighting for; an Eden worth every ounce of attention and act of nurturing we bestowed.