Mother's Day 2012

(Self-portrait attmept.
Love how the coloring goes: light-medium-dark.)

Motherhood is a emotional thing.  In one sense, I want to celebrate and exclaim, "I'm a MOTHER!!!" to the world.  Yet, because this world is imperfect and full of sin and heartache, I hesitate.  I have a few close friends that are currently struggling with infertility.  A few friends that have had babies die - either in the womb or freshly delivered.  A few friends that have had one child, but can't seem to get pregnant again.  A few friends that would love nothing more than to be married and a bear children, but that opportunity isn't presenting itself either.

When I think about them, those dear friends of mine, I look at my lot of two beautiful girls and I wonder, "Why me?"  Why was I blessed so?  What I'm coming to understand, though, is that through suffering God captures our hearts.  One may look at another's suffering and want theirs instead of their own, but only God knows to what extent He needs to go to win their heart for His own.  Suffering is to be embraced, but oh how difficult that is.

All this to say, I'm grateful to be a mother.  I fully accept these children as blessings and undeserved gifts.  Travis and I would love more children, but even if God says "No," I choose to see how rich I am already.  Two sweet souls, under our care and guidance.  Two sets of lips to kiss goodnight.  Two sets of beautiful eyes to connect with.  In addition, I'm thankful for our own two mothers, whose parenting tools I follow about 90% of the time.  Thank you, Mama and Mom F., for all you've given us.

Happy Mother's day.