Travis' grandmother is unfortunately not doing well. She has lived a long, full life (90 years!) and the end is near. Instead of waiting for the funeral, a lot of the family decided to go now and visit while she is still cognizant and here. We decided last minute, hours after Trav finished his master's cumulative exam, that he too will be going this weekend. But, bringing our whole fam? Headache, to the max (as much as I wish I could go). Bella, though, is the lucky lady who's accompanying Travis. She's old enough to remember and will also get to see her cousins and grandparents.
Which leaves me with the two little ones for the next few days. I was really struggling yesterday with having a good attitude about being left behind. One of those days where, in your head you know it makes sense, but in your heart it just is HARD and it hurts. Plus, Travis worked from 6 a.m. to 11:30 p.m. yesterday. There were so many times I just had to stop what I was doing, lay my hands over my eyes and cry out to the Lord, "THIS IS SO HARD!!!! Help me through the next five minutes!"
I often fail to remember that He is our DAILY BREAD. DAILY. He is enough for the right now. Of course, He is enough for all eternity, but we mere humans can't comprehend that scope. If I look too far into the future (the next three weekends Trav will be absent, the 6-month deployment on the horizon, etc.) I can start freaking out. Depression can quickly settle in and I become very bitter with our lot in the Air Force. God was sweet and kind to remind me that He is my daily bread. I must turn to Him and be filled for the "right now." He giveth more grace each passing day.
That said, I have been pleasantly surprised at how well this morning has gone. Of course we miss our B.J., but the house has been very serene and quiet and simple. Is this how it was with two?? I suppose, before the baby becomes mobile/verbal, things are a bit easier. Is it because I have one less child or because my child with the dominant personality is missing? Probably a bit of both...
Bella is a source of energy and action in this home. She is and always has been Questions. Why is this the way it is? How does this work? Will you read to me? What does this do? Why does that mean that? Will you read MORE and MORE to me? What does this mean?? Constant curiosity, questioning, learning. Summer, on the other hand, hasn't asked a single "why?" question ... ever, I think (except in regards to cleaning her room). She loves quiet, imaginative play. Playing "Mama" with her animals and babies. I'm grateful for this chance to spend one-on-one time with Sums. And I'm grateful for the time Travis has to spend with Bella. Living in community is good and normal, but one-on-one time is truly special.
So, we got ready (Summer asked for some of my lipstick, to which, of course, I can't say no to that girl) and we did a few errands, played in the backyard and now are enjoying a quiet afternoon. I'm very thankful for a different set of circumstances than I expected. And I'm thankful for my Daily Bread.
Which leaves me with the two little ones for the next few days. I was really struggling yesterday with having a good attitude about being left behind. One of those days where, in your head you know it makes sense, but in your heart it just is HARD and it hurts. Plus, Travis worked from 6 a.m. to 11:30 p.m. yesterday. There were so many times I just had to stop what I was doing, lay my hands over my eyes and cry out to the Lord, "THIS IS SO HARD!!!! Help me through the next five minutes!"
I often fail to remember that He is our DAILY BREAD. DAILY. He is enough for the right now. Of course, He is enough for all eternity, but we mere humans can't comprehend that scope. If I look too far into the future (the next three weekends Trav will be absent, the 6-month deployment on the horizon, etc.) I can start freaking out. Depression can quickly settle in and I become very bitter with our lot in the Air Force. God was sweet and kind to remind me that He is my daily bread. I must turn to Him and be filled for the "right now." He giveth more grace each passing day.
That said, I have been pleasantly surprised at how well this morning has gone. Of course we miss our B.J., but the house has been very serene and quiet and simple. Is this how it was with two?? I suppose, before the baby becomes mobile/verbal, things are a bit easier. Is it because I have one less child or because my child with the dominant personality is missing? Probably a bit of both...
Bella is a source of energy and action in this home. She is and always has been Questions. Why is this the way it is? How does this work? Will you read to me? What does this do? Why does that mean that? Will you read MORE and MORE to me? What does this mean?? Constant curiosity, questioning, learning. Summer, on the other hand, hasn't asked a single "why?" question ... ever, I think (except in regards to cleaning her room). She loves quiet, imaginative play. Playing "Mama" with her animals and babies. I'm grateful for this chance to spend one-on-one time with Sums. And I'm grateful for the time Travis has to spend with Bella. Living in community is good and normal, but one-on-one time is truly special.
So, we got ready (Summer asked for some of my lipstick, to which, of course, I can't say no to that girl) and we did a few errands, played in the backyard and now are enjoying a quiet afternoon. I'm very thankful for a different set of circumstances than I expected. And I'm thankful for my Daily Bread.
2 comments:
Jenny,
I really relate to the emotions you express with my husband working two jobs and all these kids at home pulling at me from every direction. I've spent the last year with number six coming along just feeling like I can't and learning from his tender care how much He loves me and wants me to be so desperately dependent on him alone!! I've been reading James and thinking so much about the pull of my flesh (ch 4) that pulls me so constantly to lust for ease and comfort and my own happiness. "don't you know that friendship with the world [and it's luring promises of pleasure, ease, comfort, happiness..] is enmity with God?" Hoping you find joy this week in surrender!
Praying for ya, Jen. Hope you're enjoying your weekend.
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