word of the day

malapropism

Malapropism – \ˈma-lə-ˌprä-ˌpi-zəm\ – the usually unintentionally humorous misuse or distortion of a word or phrase, often to amusing effect.

I happened upon this word the other day from The Pioneer's Woman blog and claimed it immediately as my new favorite word.  Because it describes my Dearly Beloved and his ... well, his tendency to malaprop.  

I noticed it when we were dating.  The way he always said, "acrost" instead of "across."  Or "granite," instead of "granted."  And I noticed it in nearly every song's lyrics he would sing - distorted, jumbled.  And every so often, we'll be having a serious, intellectual conversation and out of his mouth will flow this smooth, cohesive sentence - yet with one nonsensical word stuck in there that addles my brain.  

For example, we were talking about one of his coworkers and he was frustrated about the way she managed a certain problem:

Trav: It just really bugs me!  Every time a problem occurs, she just doesn't make the two solutions discrete!

Me: *confused look*  Discrete?

Trav: Ya.  It's frustrating.

Me: Ummm... Do you know what discrete means?

Trav: Yes.....

Me: Ummm.... I think you mean "distinct."

Trav: Whatever.  Discrete.  Distinct.  Same thing.

And he does it so smoothly!  Doesn't even pause.  Just slides right out of his mouth and you're the one left feeling like a dummy, cuz you must have missed something in the conversation that would be the "missing piece" of the puzzle that you can't seem to solve.

With me, when I forget a word, it's like watching an episode of Laurel and Hardy try and figure out how to install a light bulb.  I stall.... I pause.... looking up at the sky.  What's that word??  The one that means "different," or "separate," or "unique"????  It starts with a "D"..... While everyone around me is trying to help my brain fart by shouting out every "D" word they know.... No, no, that's not it... And I end up having to call my sister, Betsy, who has never, ever forgotten any word or phrase in the entire universe and knows exactly what I'm thinking with little prompting.  "Distinct." She'll say without a second thought.  Yes!  That's it.  And ten minutes later I'm finishing my run-on sentence.

Soooo, when Travis asked me if I wanted to accompany him to the doctor's this afternoon, and I sat and weighed my options, then cleverly asked him in return, "Do you want me to go to the doctor's with you this afternoon?" and he replied, nonchalantly,

"Whether you stay or go is completely transparent to me,"

I'll admit, I did cock my head at first, wondering if I heard him correctly.  But then I remembered my new favorite word, smiled and remarked jovially, "Well, then, if it's completely transparent to you, I'll go."