Her story

Finally, some moments of peace.  Night Three went better than Night Two which was better than Night One.  Let's hope it continues this way.  Summer and I are connecting more and more as the hours roll by.  It's a weird sensation, having two children.  I look at Bella and know she's my child.  But, all of a sudden, she seems so old, so independent, so different.  With Summer, I look at her and have to remind myself that she's my child.  But, mothering her feels more natural.  She's tiny, she's so dependent, she's truly a baby.  Everything about her is so completely different in ways of how I felt with Bella's birth/recovery/etc. that it's been strange putting the two girls together as "sisters" in my head.  It'll come, but for now, I'm still working at it.  Emotions are such a wacky things.  They skew reality, but in the moment, they are reality.

Onto Summer's birth story.  I'll keep it quick, so as not to bore.  :-)

I had contractions on and off all Wednesday morning.  I was getting hopeful, but not too hopeful as I didn't want to be super let down when/if they ceased.  Which they did.  Right after lunch they stopped and I didn't feel any more until 8 o'clock that evening.  But, they did cause me to start getting prepared just in case she came soon.  I ran to the grocery store, cleaned the house a bit, took a nap that afternoon, and threw some laundry in.  I made sure to snuggle Bella extra that day, as I just felt it might not be the two of us for much longer.

Sure enough, around 8 o'clock that evening, they came back.  After the third one in an hour, I told Travis.  He looked at me and said, "Please don't have her tonight.  I'm exhausted.  I have a ton of schoolwork to finish before the final next week and work is crazy busy right now."  Uhhh... hate to break it to ya, Buddy, but babies don't wait for things to settle down.  I continued to have them every twenty minutes for another hour.  Then... nothing for an hour and a half.  Bummed, I packed a hospital bag for us - just in case -before we went to sleep, and tried to think happy thoughts about not going into labor that night.

As soon as both our heads hit the pillow, BAM.  Big contraction.  Took my breath away.  Twenty minutes later, BAM again.  Huge one.  Made me want to scream.  Eighteen minutes later, another huge contraction.  All of which were happening in my back for a minute and then moving to the front for another 30 seconds.  Man... I all of a sudden remembered why I never wanted to give birth again.  After the fourth one, we called out neighbor and she came over to watch Bella.  Trav and I continued to gather things around the house and by the time we left at 1:30 a.m., my contractions were around 10 minutes apart and STRONG.

We were admitted at 2 a.m. to the Birthing Center.  At 3:30ish I received life (a.k.a. Epidural).  Oh my goodness.  I could dedicate a whole blog on why epidurals are my favoritest thing in the whole world.  I know  everyone and their Aunt has their own opinion on them, but for ME, I would marry it if possible.

I was at 8 cm when the epidural kicked in and three hours later, I pushed Summer Noelle out.  Two contractions, about 8 big pushes, and her tiny little life entered this world.  It was miraculous.  I was able to hold her right away, Trav cut the cord, and they let me have my baby for the first two hours of her life.  I loved being connected with her right away and for so long.

***

When we reached the hospital and were administered to our room, I had a huge freak-out session.  Actually, the freak-out session started at home while laying in bed after my first huge contraction.  I started to cry and couldn't stop.  The pain of the situation, the memories of Bella's first day, everything came rolling back to the forefront of my mind so fast and furious, I couldn't control myself.  I was scared.  So terribly scared to be doing this again.

And again, while at the hospital, watching all the nurses hurry along and prepare everything for my labor, the memories flooded back.  As many of my long-time readers/friends may know, Bella's first months (starting with her labor) were some of the darkest in my life.  A lot contributed to that: traumatic labor, fear of her cleft-lip and palate, complications after the birth, Trav's deployment soon after birth, her "colicky" self for the first 5 months, the onset of winter, etc.  I couldn't shake any of those memories once we were in the hospital.  All I wanted was to get out of there.  I was desperate to NOT GIVE BIRTH.  Trav, the nurses, the anesthesiologist all probably thought I was nuts.  My sobs were uncontrollable and I just kept repeating, "I don't want to do this. I CAN'T do this again!"  Finally, one sweet nurse took the time to sit down and have me talk out my fears.  She and Travis held my hands and listened, asked questions (in between contractions), and  loved me through my fear and pain.  It was very soothing and healing to be able to talk through my fear.  

Once I got my epidural, my body calmed down and my spirits seemed to follow.  Hope was springing anew with the absence of pain.  I could do this.  I HAD to do this.  I was to be a mother again, come rain or shine.  The labor went smoothly and contrary to the three hours of pushing with Bella, Summer practically "popped" out.  I feel as though God smiled upon my labor and blessed it tremendously.  I am so so thankful.