honest parenting

Bella. My, oh my, oh MY.

Today was not pretty.

Let me preface this by admitting that the last couple days have passed with not such a stellar attitude from me.  I'm not sure if my hormones are finally balancing out again, or what, but I've been teary, exhausted, and moody. Prime candidate for lovely company.  And while being with my parents is sooo helpful and dreamy, the fact of the matter is that living in another's home with two youngun's is less than ideal.  Worth it?  Yes, but hard too.

Sooo... y'all know my eldest.  Her spastic, strong will.  My, oh my, oh MY.  Along with my PMS (or whatever we'll label my moodiness) = not a good match.  Everything is a challenge with her.  Every tone of voice.  Every command.  Every situation... all calls for such consistency and love and patience... I'm absolutely beat by 7 o'clock PM.  

Today was long, as is, but bedtime put me over the edge.  Starting with the bath time.  In bullet form, it went something like this:

• I fill the tub.  Bella is yelling "BOO!!!" in Summer's face - making a tired, crabby baby even crabbier.
• I tell Bella to get undressed while I continue to prep to bathe both girls.
• I yell at Bella again to get undressed and stop yelling in Summer's face.
• Bella screams that the water is TOO HOT (which it's totally not) and begins crying hysterically.
• Summer's crying on the floor next to the tub b/c I'm not holding her.
• I bathe Bella amidst cries.
• She tells me how to clean her, I tell her to stop bossing me around.  I'm the Mama.
• I finally get Summer in the tub.
• Bella begins splashing Summer - making her upset.
• I'm upset at Bella.
• Bella begins drinking dirty bath water.
• I tell her to stop.
• She continues.
• I tell her to stop again.
• She then LICKS the water - "I'm not drinking it Mama."
• I tell her to stop.
• She then puts the water on her thumb and sucks her thumb.
• I poke my eyeballs out.
• Then I drain the tub - "You can't obey, you can't play."
• More tears.
• Summer's screaming for some milk and sleep.
• I pull Bell out, wrap her in a towel and scoop Summer up and tell Bella to follow me to the bedroom.
• Bella slips on floor and falls.
• More crying.
• I LOSE IT!!!!!

No more sympathy!  No more crying!  No more THURSDAY!!!  This day needs to be over!!!!!

Eventually, both girls are dressed.  Summer is fed, and down.  I pull Bella into my bedroom and gather some books and nestle on the bed.  Pulling her close, I apologize.

"Bells. I'm sorry I lost my temper.  That was so wrong of me.  I need to work on my patience.  Will you please forgive me?"

She looks at me with wide eyes, as her wet hair begins to *boing* back into the familiar ringlets.  

"Yes, I do forgive you, Mama."

"Thanks, Love.  You want to read a couple books now?"

She snuggles close to me and as I begin to open Go, Dog. GO!, she glances up at me with her concerned face.  "Mama?  You losed it?  Where did you lose it?"

"Lose what?" I'm confused now.

"You losed your temperature?  Where did it go?  Maybe Mimi and Grand-dad will have a temperature you can use.  Don't worry that you losed your temperature, Mama.  I forgive you.  Don't worry."

***

("Temperature" is Bella's word for thermometer.)

Oh parenting... 

So hard.

So exhilarating.

So humiliating.

So exhausting.

So...

*sigh*

I love kids.