The trouble with knowing all the right answers is that you very often don't have to search for God.
The trouble with never having to search for God is that you don't get to experience the joy and pleasure of finding Him.
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| (Because I love bed pictures. Especially with a Sleeping Beauty on it.) |
Without being too overtly obvious, today is OUR turn. Today marks #6. Today, we're counting down from seventy-seven. Some say, "Oh, that's not too bad." I hate that. What that means is, it's not bad for them. It's bad for me. For our daughters. For our marriage. Yes, it's not a 6 or 12-month-er, but it's still seventy-seven stinkin' days.
For honesty's sake, let me be real for a minute. You know what is the hardest thing I've ever done? To live these past four years, trying to cultivate a {{relationship, marriage, family, home}} when my {{significant other, man, head-of-the-household}} is rarely present. It's been, by far, the most trying, gut-wrenching, self-sacrificing phase of life. And I very often (re: always) feel as if I'm failing. I don't mean for any of this to fall on Travis, as if he were the problem. He's not. You all know what a fine man I think him to be. It's 80% situational and 80% me learning how to grow up and 25% personalities conflicting. Forget that the percentages don't make sense... they do to me.
For me, absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder. Absence makes the heart grow tired. And weary. And distant. And cold. So I fight. I fight for fondness. For closeness. For vigor. For life. And then, when times like these come; when #6 rolls around and my heart feels faint because I don't know how to cultivate rich ground anymore, I remember spring. I remember that it's HE who gives life... not all my endeavors. Why do I forget this so frequently? I'm a foolish, foolish woman.
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I resolve for the next seventy-seven days to soak myself in the Word. To be daily with Him. To find Him and be found by Him. I resolve to hope that He will sustain my marriage, our relationship, our family. I resolve to find peace in His Word and His presence. Seventy-seven days.
7 comments:
Yes, Jenny, I will resolve it with you. that is my sustaining hope and peace, being in God's Word more and more. It is the food I need to give me strength and perseverance. Let me know what Scripture you are in, and would you like to memorize with me?? maybe we could do a deployment Scripture plan, and pick a chapter or something like that. I love you so much
I love your first three sentences. So true and yet so easy to forget. We take the "right answers" for granted and end up losing our urgency for God. One of my favorite phrases this past year has been this:
"The depth of your experience with God solely depends on the intensity that you seek Him".
Love that. I'm still learning to be intentional about it.
Praying those 77 days fly by!!!!
My heart functions similarly to yours in the absence of my dear one and it is such a battle to remain close (although admittedly during my time of testing this year I just closed off which was very hard to reverse). Anyway, I won't say I know what you're going through, but I've had a taste of something similar and you are approaching it with maturity and grace.
Praying for your resolutions and that this will be a sweet time in your journey with God!
I'll be praying for you and the girls Jen. Remember that our "interruptions" in life can also be divine interventions and bring abundant blessing to our lives and to others. Hang in there!
and i resolve to hold you accountable to your resolution and to ask you how you are doing in your daily time with God. and I also resolve to pray and pray and pray for you. I pray that your heart WOULD grow fonder - both of Travis and of Jesus. I pray that God would use this season to cultivate in you character traits that you didn't even know needed cultivating...and that you would have peace...and joy and fun despite his absence. I pray that Trav would pursue you and court you and that he would find himself at the feet of our Savior....trusting more, hoping more, loving more. For Bella and Summer I pray for wisdom beyond their years regarding the situation. I pray that your love and attention for them would overflow and that their cups would runneth over. I pray they feel the presence of their father and especially, their Father. I love you dear friend. i hope i never get to #6. but i know i will. and when i do i will think back on your perseverance and remember that it can be done. you rock!
Jenny,
Any time apart is horrible-just horrible. So it makes complete sense that you would dread this time. Wish I could make it all better!
One of my best friend's husband is in med school and she has two kids. She and I often talk about him being gone so much and her trying to keep her heart in check-so hard. And every time we do, I remind her of this simple yet, extremely difficult to swallow truth. I know you already know this as you mentioned it in your post but be encouraged, you're on the right track. As much as you will feel entitled to head down the road to resentment at times about Travis' absences (and you'll even be right about how you feel), unfortunately, that path only ruins your life. In those times, you just have to tell yourself that.
The world will tell you that you deserve better or whatever but, that way is death. The death of your marriage, your family and yourself. It takes a conscious choice to put your feet on the right path and I'm so proud of how much you've fought to do that in the past and how you continue to try and do so now. You're an incredibly strong woman and you know the truth. Keep walking in it even if out of just pure obedience. God will never, ever leave you.
God brings you to mind often and often I pray for you. Thanks for sharing your heart.
You are so right, girl. I starred this post to comment on later...so here I am.
And before I started typing, I remember what I read this morning. It was from Jeremiah. And to sum it up...God said -- look at the good figs. They are like the people who are good. I will send them away [for a trial]. Then bring them back to Me and turn their hearts towards Me. I read that and was like....WOW!!
God KNOWS if we really want to follow Him. Yes, He may lead us into trials but He will set us in a wealthy place and turn our hearts to Him. And we'll be more in love with Him than ever before. :)
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