 |
| Photos from a day at the beach -when we ALL were together |
It's never very easy for me. People often tell me, "I don't know how you do it! I could never be a military wife." I always feel like laughing. I don't choose this path. I don't want this path. I don't "do it" well and without complaint, although I wish I did.
When Travis is here for more than a week without a trip on the line, my heart begins to grow suspicious, like someone bad is lurking around the corner. I prepare my heart for The News he'll come home with... that a trip is intervening and messing up future plans. The trips may be short (3-5 days) or long (weeks). He could work all week, get sent on a trip Friday through Sunday and be back at work on Monday. Just because he's a pilot doesn't mean if he's not flying, he's not working. He has two jobs in the squadron and often works 12-hour days.
I say all this because I want to admit that after seven and a half years of being a military wife, five of those years in active assignment, I still struggle with him being gone. By struggle, I mean specifically, I get angry. I feel left and I can take it personally (even though it SOO isn't!) when he's gone on trips. I put up walls to avoid having my heart hurt so when he's absent. I want to appear Independent and Self-Reliant, when in reality, I need him and I hurt when he's not here. I encounter bouts of bitterness of raising the children alone. I often have to wrangle myself away from "the grass is greener" mentality.
Recently, I've tried to take the bull by the horns and battle these lies. I'm meeting bi-monthly with a woman from my church to simply pray and battle for our marriages and lives. Just to have someone else know my true struggles of contentedness in the Air Force life, without it being through complaint and venting, is therapeutic. To know true community with people that care and love me, asking how life is regularly, helps greatly with the loneliness of the Air Force life. Of course, casting our cares on Him, the One Who knows all and has placed us here is the greatest act of faith and love we can do.
Community, pro-activeness, honesty, and prayer. It's how I battle my greatest wars. If you're in similar situations (an often-absent spouse), would you mind sharing how you stay connected and full of joy??
3 comments:
Oh I'm right there with you! We are on our own for 6 months this will be the longest since we have been married and he has been gone about 5 months already this year. Its not easy that's for sure. I just try to keep busy, work out, hang out with friends have lots of play dates, just getting out of the house helps me. And faith and all that comes with going to church helps too. Love your pictures of the beach they are making me want to go to the beach instead we will just freeze up here in WA.
Honesty and prayer, time in the Word- gauging our own thoughts and feeling against His. Time with women, especially women that are seeking Jesus and will speak the Truth into our lives. Fostering those friendships and investing in feeding Truth to them has great returns in those seasons when there is no man at home. I've also learned to see the good side of aloneness. I've had seasons with him here, and seasons without him and I've learned to love what I can have and do when he's not home... focus on the times to read the Word deeper, or a great classic. Focus on the time to pray, or do your nails. Sometimes those alone times are perfect for deeper spiritual pursuit, sometimes for personal care, sometimes both. When my husband is home, he is my priority. His needs, bigger meals, building our relationship. When he's gone, I try to value the alone time and make good use of it verses squandering the time zoning out on the computer or something like that. If I'm purposeful, I feel that the time was used for good and when he is home again, I can let go more fully of myself and love him really well!
My husband recently returned from a year deployment and that was definitely a big adjustment for us. I only have one child, which actually was huge part of my resentment towards my husband being gone so long. We both wanted more children but my husband wasn't comfortable with having me be pregnant while he was away and for me to deliver a baby without him. I totally understood where he was coming from, but at the same time my baby fever was in high gear while he was away which made me envious and resentful. Although this life and my family planning was not something that I wanted influenced by such a lengthy deployment, I was at peace with my leave and just took it one day at a time. I kept myself busy constantly, always going to play groups (or organizing them at my house). I also went out to lunch with other mothers and I joined MOPS. I very much looked forward to meeting with other Christian women twice a month and getting my spiritual fix and kinship with other mothers. One thing that was just abandoned while my husband was away was my blog. I did not feel much joy in writing about our family adventures because my husband wasn't here. I'm working on a new blog now and hope to have it up and running soon :)
Post a Comment