Honesty and a critique of my blog

Honesty. Frankness. Transparency.

Good, right?

Sometimes, people can say you are too honest. Or honest, in an untimely manner.

I've experienced some helpful criticism with my writing. Helpful, yet hurtful. Hurtful, because I am a woman with pride. A woman who doesn't like to be wrong. A woman who prides herself in her work.

I always hesitate when I write honestly. I imagine who will be reading this. I imagine what they could conjure up while reading my words. I wonder if anyone may be encouraged, or if anyone may be brought down. I do try and use discretion, as much as public blogs can be discrete. Yet, honesty is so precious to me. So true and so hard to come by.

At times, I look at my blog and wonder, "What is the point?" It began as a way to keep in touch with family that are thousands of miles away. But over the many months, it has become a social outlet, a creative writing tool, a source of joy and connecting with random people. It has become primarily a Mommy-blog, although I swore I wouldn't succumb to that. I have periodically looked back at my pre-baby posts and wistfully wished for those days... those days when I wrote more about depth and life as I pondered it. But now... my days are filled with thoughts such as:
- meal planning
- is that poop I smell?
- how do you cure a diaper rash?
- is that a fit she's throwing?? how do I teach her that's unacceptable?
- I hope she sleeps long...
- how many times am I going to pick up these toys?
- this is the 26th time we've read this book today...
- gosh, I LOVE this child!

And in the midst of these various thoughts running through my head every day, I find myself longing to write about more meaningful things. Like life...like challenges...like politics...like religion...like marriage. And I want to write honestly. Frankly. Transparently. Because realness inspires me.

A happy life and a happy marriage, with picture-perfect children living in a precious, little town home isn't inspiring. It just makes everyone who reads about it feel like, "Why don't I have it together like that?? What's wrong with me and my life?" Reading about people with real struggles, real day-to-day monotony, really fighting to be something more in a world that says laziness and selfishness are okay... and how they deal with those issues in real-life form...... that is inspiring.

Dear readers, I love to be honest with you. Posts like this are not a cry for help. They are simply written to let you know that I'm right there along with you. I love my husband more than anything. I say that marriage is hard, but I don't blame it on anything he is. Marriage is hard because being SELFLESS is hard. Putting others' needs above mine is downright DIFFICULT. Loving someone more than I love myself will take me a lifetime to learn. I write because I take heart when I know I'm not alone.